Noose

I wanna make one out of twine.

Premature

One of the worst things in the world and/or universe is when you turn on the radio and your favorite song is ending :c

I'm DONE, son.

Sample

Yeah, okay

Pokeman

Corpse

Your face is a clock.

YOU~GAY~HO~~~

-or-


Tea, your eyes are extra gradient-y today.

Cooldog

Deuteronomy 23:1

He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD

Otherme

The easiest thing to do to be happy is to remember that reality isn't about you. No one really cares what you think. You can draw your little lines in the sand about how you are and who you think you ought to be, and how you think the world ought to be, but it changes nothing. Your ideals mean nothing to anyone, and for most of us, they probably never will. Live life for everyone else. Not just people you love, not just people who love you, but for everyone. Hold the door for that old lady because it will brighten her day, apologize to people you hate, because it's what you SHOULD do, it's what a decent person would do. Be so normal, benevolent, kind, and loving, regardless of how you feel, and that will be your happiness, that will be your reason to live.

"I miss living for sunrises and sunsets and tanktops. Lying to my parents so that I could go to a show 2 hours away from home with him. Being completely scared that they would smell cigarette smoke on me after your best friend dropped me back off in the morning. Falling asleep on Hello Kitty blankets and making out in Becky's garage until the sun came up (I'm still sorry about that Dana). The summer of 2005 was the best of my life. I miss it. I promised myself I wouldn't become a sentimental bitch, but I did."

honestly, it's easier to be that better person if you can keep in mind that everything you're doing, you're doing for your parents, or your girlfriend, or your grandparents, or that cute girl who works at the comic book store who you always want to try to have a normal conversation with, but you imagine people must bug her all day. Do it for them because you know they think you can be more than you are, and if they don't, do it to spite them, to shake your fist and prove to everyone you're with a damn.

Cookie Monster

C3H8

Propane plus propane paraphernalia

Simpsan

Four foot six foot nine

Sometimes I think I am in love

Do you remember the poop mission with Kaleigh at Jack-In-The-Box? Do you remember smoking your first real cigarette while walking through Diana's neighborhood to Harlan's where Sean stole some more cigarettes and then walking back; generally being a teenage delinquent? How about laughing every day at lunch, sharing lunch, ketchup on each fry, sandwiches with bell peppers and pepper pepper and honey mustard? In the library, Mrs. Cox saying Kendall's V-neck goes down to his navel, pissing Kaleigh off, or Mrs. Bible following Kaleigh all the way to the other side of the school just to discipline her for wearing a hat three minutes before school let out. Or when it was raining and we walked to the park barefoot with Kendall before school was out, and when we finally did get to the park we walked down the train tracks and Mrs. Pershall saw uslol? Or how about that other time when it was raining sosososososososo hard and we tried to find our cars in the deluge and you finally did get to the car but not before getting your ass kicked by the rain and as you were driving home you saw lightning strike not twenty or so feet away from you but you kept driving and when you finally got home you were wet and tired but no one was home so you took a lonely shower. that feeling that feeling

Sometimes I think I am in love with Kaleigh.

A limericke

There was a young chemist from Ryde,
Who drank a foul poison and died.
It was ortho-hydroxy-
para-methoxy-
tri-nitro benzaldehyde!

"Lost are we...

...and are only so far punished,/ That without hope we live on in desire."

Inf. IV, lines 41-42.

Pier

I have always wanted to go to the end of that rocky pier where dad would fish. I had a dream about the place, but I've forgotten what really happened in my dream; it has been too long and I've made up too many stories about it.

One day, I'll find out how far it goes. I have a plan. It involves Google Earth.

This space reserved for a picture.

Main Entry: avun·cu·lar

Pronunciation: \ə-ˈvəŋ-kyə-lər\

Function: adjective

Etymology: Latin avunculus maternal uncle — more at UNCLE

Date: 1831

1 : of or relating to an uncle
2 : suggestive of an uncle especially in kindliness or geniality

— avun·cu·lar·i·ty \ə-ˌvəŋ-kyə-ˈla-rə-tē, -ˈler-ə-\ noun

— avun·cu·lar·ly  \ə-ˈvəŋ-kyə-lər-lē\ adverb

Five teenagers with attitude

goldar

Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990

I had to take care of a 3 (maybe 4?) year old girl for a day once. It was actually moar fun than I thought it would be. First we watched Fantasia because it was the only kids' movie I owned at the time. She got bored waiting for Mickey Mouse to show up, but after she asked "where's Mickey?" for the twentieth time, I just said "patience, child!" and she calmed down. After Mickey made his grand entrance and ignominious exit, I cooked her a pancake because she wanted one and I had permission to feed her. She ate it with that ultra-serious expression really little kids get when they are enjoying a rare treat--like they want to burn the memory indelibly into their young minds. Fucking adorable. Well after that we colored for a little while, and then we took a drive to a nice park downtown. Along the way I pointed out a church that looks kind of like a castle and told her about the princess who was sitting locked up in the bell tower waiting for a prince to rescue her. She stared at that church until her neck couldn't turn any farther, and asked me all sorts of simple questions about the story, which I was happy to make up answers for. We finally got to the park, and she played on the playground until she got tired. Then I drove her back home and she napped for a couple of hours before her deadbeat mom came back from whatever the fuck she was doing and picked up her girl.

I always kinda felt sorry for that kid. She was a sweet little girl overall.

Saturday, October 31, 2009, 04:57:19 EST

Alex Beyman

Nothing ever changes
it just rearranges
time and time and time again
it's not so bad, my simple friend.


Habs and hab nots
accepting their lots
outside bakes and inside rots
but you can fuck a perfect ten
come inside, my simple friend.
-Ammete

Wife Siane.

• "Siane is the kind of girl who will drag you into the theater to see something scary, wedge her face into your side screaming the entire time, then beat your arm on the way out and demand to know why you made her watch something so terrifying."

• "She's the kind of girl who will spend an entire day popping out from behind things and laughing for several minutes at your reaction."

• "She's in her thirties now, and I'm still not safe from impromptu pillow battles. "

Daughter Mersenia
Son Augustus

Timeline

2010 - A mall in Edmonton is being converted to "multizone."

2010 - 2012 - An (unsuccessful) attempt is made on Obama's life -- he is shot through the shoulder by one of numerous "fox shooters" while his daughter is standing next to him. Understandably, he refuses to run again in 2012.

2012 - Chelsea Clinton becomes the 44th president of the United States. Although underage, she does manage to become president due to a bill in the works that is slated to lower the age requirement for presidency candidates.

2013 - The first proper "Habs" open in New York

2014 - Luce's Christian Battlecry youth organization merges with another called Joel's Army to form the redshirt youth.

2016 - James Maynard (a gay atheist) becomes president of the United States, beating the CNPA candidate. The Chridom (Christian Dominionism) wars begin - hostilities break out and although short, the CNPA's reign of terror is brutal. Many civillians are shot on the spot, and jews, homosexuals, muslims, et. al are hunted down andd incinerated.

2017 - The war ends.

2039 - Coldsleep -- a sort of near-freezing hibernaiton -- becomes viable. Although it is available in 2037, it is not until 2039 that all of the legal issues are settles. One decade of hibernation costs approximately 100,000 USD.

20XX - The final episodes of Naruto involve the titular character become a Hokage and getting into a fight with some spiral mask guy. Sasuke uses a desperation attack to save Naruto, dying in the process. Naruto's face is carved onto the face of a holy mountain. (Predicted 09/06/09(Sun)00:16:52)

20XX - The LHC is considered to be a failure as it never reaches the output levels it was designed for due to fuckups that were made during its construction. Some of its results later corroborate suggested applications of Heim theory, although they weren't determined to be significant in that regard at the time of their discovery.


20XX - Voliva's Ambition, a novel by Michelle Goldberg, is written. It becomes an influential piece of literature. The basic premise centers around Voliva, a member of the CNPA, and his exploits during the Chridom wars.


Important people from the 21st century:

Robert Bussard - the father of practical fusion power.
Marshall Brain - an author who popularized autolabor theory.
Burt Rutan - produced most of the orbiter, roto and aerostat designs still in use today.
Mick Mountz - CEO of Kiva Robotics, one of the big companies (alongside iRobot, ABB and Yaskawa) that made the autolabor research project a success and built essentially every autolabor facility currently in operation.

Rick Warren
Glenn Beck
Mike Huckabee
Sarah Palin

Core members of the CNPA - the 'Christian Dominionist Party of America'.



Two advisories:

Should any of these events come to pass, get the fuck out of the U.S. -- specifically Texas (notably Dallas) and Florida and Boston. GET THE FUCK OUT.

On the other hand: "You're living on the cusp of a second industrial revolution, more or less. Invest in the companies responsible. ABB, Kiva, Yaskawa and Google are the big ones."

Ann Richards

"When somebody's serving up humble pie, why do you keep going back for seconds?"

King of the Hill

"Hank and the Great Glass Elevator"

Season 5

Episode 11

5ABE12

Matthew 5

"You are the salt of the earth... the light of the world..."

Salt and Light.

Monday

today in class it was really quiet and I remembered gay baby and then I laughed to myself and I took out my cell phone and typed out this text message so it wouldn't be awkward

B1 is a stud

It must have sucked to be B2.

Di⋅as⋅po⋅ra

 /daɪˈæspərə/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [dahy-as-per-uh] Show IPA

–noun

1.	the scattering of the Jews to countries outside of Palestine after the Babylonian captivity.

2.	(often lowercase) the body of Jews living in countries outside Palestine or modern Israel.

3.	such countries collectively: the return of the Jews from the Diaspora.

4.	(lowercase) any group migration or flight from a country or region; dispersion.

5.	(lowercase) any group that has been dispersed outside its traditional homeland.

6.	(lowercase) any religious group living as a minority among people of the prevailing religion.

---

Origin:
1875–80; < Gk diasporá a dispersion. See DIA-, SPORE

Future career

When I was a kid I wanted to be a tree scientist marine biologist teacher president police officer president mcdonalds food maker person cookie baker chef fbi agent paleontologist ornithologist botanist accountant architect journalist mayor lawyer artist musician shepherd actuary accountant biologist car mechanic plumber prison warden teacher pharmacologist accountant

Powderheart

Women be shoppen; women be shoppen

Hey babæ

WHATEVER. YOU DON'T GOTTA FRONT. I KNOW YOU LOVE ME.

Kundera

The Unbearable 
Lightness of 
Being

"...I began to divide books into day books and night books," she went on. "Really, there are books meant for daytime reading and books that can be read only at night."

...

"Why don't you ever use your strength on me?" she said.
"Because love means renouncing strength," said Franz softly.

...

Toilets in modern water closets rise up from the floor like white water lilies. The architect does all he can to make the body forget how paltry it is, and to make man ignore what happens to his intestinal wastes after the water from the tank flushes them down the drain. Even though the sewer pipelines reach far into our houses with their tentacles, they are carefully hidden from view, and we are happily ignorant of the invisible Venice of shit underlying our bathrooms, bedrooms, dance halls, and parliaments.

...

The brain appears to possess a special area which we might call poetic memory and which records everything that charms or touches us, that makes our lives beautiful... Kneeling by her as she lay sleeping in his bed, he realized that someone had sent her downstream in a bulrush basket. Love begins with a metaphor. Which is to say, love begins at the point when a woman enters her first word into our poetic memory.

13

Recently she had made another entry into his mind. Returning home with the milk one morning as usual, she stood in the doorway with a crow wrapped in her red scarf and pressed against her breast. It was the way gypsies held their babies. He would never forget it: the crow's enormous plaintive beak up next to her face. She had found it half-buried..."It was children," she said, and her words...revealed an unexpected repugnance...

Family Guy

My favorite episode of family guy is the one where the Griffin household is robbed but luckily Peter has a saferoom installed into the attic and in it the family is drowning because it has sprinklers in case of fire but it is also airtight but anyway as the family is drowning Chris confesses that he didn't like the Godfather III. I still need to watch that movie, by the way, but I'll get around to it eventually maybe. Probably not.

Lemme see what episode that is. Okay, it's:

"Untitled Griffin Family History"
Episode No.:    27
Season:        4
Production No.:    4ACX30
Written by:    John Viener
Produced by:    Zac Moncrief

"Overall, the episode received mainly negative reviews from critics, achieving a Nielsen rating of 8.03."

I liked it, though.



Also, it's Peter who confesses that he doesn't like the Godfather III, apparently. Also apparently, it's not the Godfather III, it's just the Godfather.

Ummmm it has this skit in it where there's a slave and he's being asked his name and I was playing Wii with Gordon once and we got around to watching Family Guy episodes and one began and I thought Gordon would find it funny and I thought it was the one with the skit but it wasn't and Gordon was pissed, haha, but it's okay we played Super Smash Bros. for like 5 hours.

Shampoos

So you know how I was talking about the refrigerators and their contents? Well, something I like to do even more is -- well, when I'm a guest at someone's house and I'm showering or whatever, I really like to go through all of their shampoos and conditioners and soaps. I don't know why, but it's just -- it's always different and kind of an adventure. But I definitely use them all. I'm most likely going to be staying at Carl's house or whatever this weekend (I'll tell you how that goes) and I'll be sure to check out his toiletrieees (I'll tell you what they are). Same thing with wearing people's clothes. I wish I could have one article of clothing from every person I met.



So I stayed at Andrea's house, actually. She has Herbal Essences shampoo. I think I might get some because it smells like fruit.

'Frigerator

Our fridge was broken for a good week and we forgot/neglected to take out the food so even though it's fixed now it's a little stinky, but you know a little baking soda will fix that. Well, when we buy baking soda -- remember to buy coffee stuff, too, okay. It was really gross and it sucks because it made the apartment smell and then goddamn you danny you left some stew on the stove and I gagged and thinking of it now I want to gaga but oh well.

Been wanting to make a list of goals but it can wait probably not but I can't be bothered right now.

Oh yeah, so I love looking in people's refrigerators and pantries. You can tell a lot about a person by what kind of food they have. I really admire my sister's pantry and fridge -- it's all real quality stuff. She even has one small drawer full of candy. It's what I want to have when I'm older. My other sister, too, though, she also has cool stuff, usually pretty good cool stuff. I think they eat out a lot more often now, though.

But yeah, I mean like, imagine a supermodel's fridge, or a star athlete's, or like, Barney's or something nah I don't know that wasn't funny, but anyway, I can't wait until I have my own fridge. People will be like, "That's a quality fridge."

They'll be referring to the food in it of course, but maybe the fridge will be nice, too.

This book

contains everything that is right with the world as it exists today.

Beatty

Here comes a very strange beast which in all tongues is called a fool

AP History notes for Jenna

Athenian Democracy

• Citizens: Male, 18 years old, born citizens
• Laws voted on and proposed by assembly and citizens
• Leader chosen by population
• Executive branch made of a council of 500 mean.
• Juries varied in size
• No attorneys or appeals, one-day trials

U.S. Democracy

• Citizens born in U.S or complete citizenship process
• Representatives elected to propose and vote on laws.
• Elected President
• Executive branch made up of elected and appointed officials
• Jury = 12 jurors
• Defendants and plaintiffs, have attorneys, long appeal process

 Both

• Political power in citizens
  
• Three branches of government
  
• Legislative branch passes laws 
• Executive branch carries out laws 

6. Hellenistic = Greek-like. Hellenic = Greek.

Titanic

Titanic is a pretty good movie. I watched it last night on TNT. On a scale of 1 to red flintstones multivitamins, I'd say it's about a 9. It's much better than I thought it could be as a kid. Incidentally, this movie gave me my first glimpse of yayas. I covered my eyes, though, mostly.

Jackie started crying :(

Chewable Multivitamins

When I bought my last bottle of Flinstones vitamins I took out all of the pills and organized them into their separate colors and poured them back in in this order:
Red

Red-orange

Orange

Purple

So that maybe I could eat the purple ones first and get that hot mess through with and then I could enjoy the mildly delicious orange ones and then really enjoy the awesome red ones. It didn't work as well as I thought it would, though, but I think I have finally eaten all of the purple ones. I didn't even know they had red-orange ones. What a gyp.

Bobby's World

 

 

 

It still pisses me off to see that fucken dad goddamn you fucking FAGGET FUCKING FAGGOT DAD.

I was brushing my teeth this morning and I remembered an episode where Bobby was brushing his teeth and he spit leftover toothpaste foam into the mirror and squirted more toothpaste onto his brush and continued brushing and I was watching this early in the morning with Lupita and I was like I wanna try that man but I never did because I knew I KNEW I knew I would get in trouble and now I'm too old for that stuff man, that's just a mess I'll have to pick up. I have to wait until I'm like 75 to do that, so here's a promise to me to do that.

Also this looked a lot more different in my head but I guess not really since I can't remember what it looked like now. I think Bobby had red hair and a rounder head but maybe not Bob-o Bobby-o Bobby's World.

FUCKING FAGGOT DAD.

Main Entry: ex·pec·to·rate

Pronunciation: \-tə-ˌrāt\

Function: verb

Inflected Form(s): ex·pec·to·rat·ed; ex·pec·to·rat·ing

Etymology: Latin expectoratus, past participle of expectorare to banish from the mind (taken to mean literally “to expel from the chest”), from ex- + pector-, pectus breast, soul — more at PECTORAL

Date: 1601

transitive verb  

1 : to eject from the throat or lungs by coughing or hawking and spitting
2 : SPIT

intransitive verb  

1 : to discharge matter from the throat or lungs by coughing or hawking and spitting
2 : SPIT

— ex·pec·to·ra·tion  \-ˌspek-tə-ˈrā-shən\ noun

"Short me one"

Oh, so I forgot to tell you this but the first week of college I went to some tobacco store and a black hobo who was hanging around outside and was like, "Short me one," and I didn't know what the hell that even meant so I asked him and he said it means to give him the rest of my unfinished cigarette haha so I just gave him a whole one and threw mine on the ground and then just as I was about to crush it he was like, "NO no no no no no non o non I need that," and he smoked that, too.

staci says hoensy is best

This is roughly in chronological order.

• DIANA
  
• Met Seth 
• Ate some Fruit Stripes zebra gum (YEAH)
• Took an hour-long drive.
• Seth painting 
• smoking breaks.
• Met Julie, Jenny, Molly.
• Met Liz, Michael.
  
• Nigerian Dance Party: "You evah fucked a black woh-man bee-fore? Waet, how old ahre you? Oh, call me in tree years, honey."
• Met Trendsetter music: "But have you cooked for her?" Also, don't show your teeth if you want to appear intimidating. And look like you have a headache.
• "If you walk away, I'll walk away."
• To the square! We just got a smoothie, though.
• Midlothianstoragepainting. Also, talk to me through me, strange lights and blue vomit and: There was a sound in the hallway, and I couldn't figure out what it was. I was trying to pinpoint it and I finally realized that it was someone walking. As soon as I realized this, I felt the person who was walking, I felt them stop and turn and -- like, they he knew I was a aware of him, I took notice of him and he just stopped and turned towards me and looked at me, through the wall. Just then I hear just this running and this motherfucker is going so fast. I hear his steps on the wood floor and, and there's like this part where the wood panel is lose and when you step on it slams on the cement beneath it and this motherfucker stomps on that shit and he is just hauling ass towards my room. My door busts open and I can see him, like the outline of him--because everything behind him looks blurry--and he just runs up right to me face like right here and I scream and swipe through him and--that was that. I felt his presence just, dissipate.
• Met Derek and Staci --> Crystal Castles and Cookies and Apple Juice --> T.G.I. Friday's. Hot wings and a long island iced tea
• Had a few drinks with new friends.
• Bukkake, squirters, and awesome hacks.
  
• Party fouls: Spilt cocaine, knocked over beer. Don't do this anymore.
• Provigil, Kill Bill, Cake.
  
• (713me) you left that belt at dereks
• (713me) your glasses are at derk and staci's on the coffee table. P.S. don't forget to actually put them there lol yo douchefaggot
  
• Drunken girl advice.
• One final cigarette.
• Talkin' to Jackie until Jon and Danny come home.
• (713me) Hey your drunk (lol "your") so you know you know what you like and you like the sixties as much as--no actually more than the eighties.
• Sleep.

Homework now.

Never can there be

a substitute for a monument

Dang

and then later on they told me that i was wearing ronald's shirt, and so i looked down at my shirt.. and it was ronald's shirt. apparently i got a lot of puke on my all white tee. i still have his tshirt upstairs..but im missing my keys..but i still have my contacts..but im missing joyce's respect..(i think) but i still have her lipstick marks (jk)...srs man??
dang.
dang.

fu

so what does that mean?
does it mean gay?
then

fu

an innocent life

percyclowncar: do you live an innocent life?
percyclowncar: DO YOU LIVE AN INNOCENT LIFE?
lmbotanist: who the hell is this
lmbotanist: to answer your question yes
percyclowncar: who is this

A pair of reading selections

52. To a Stranger
PASSING stranger! you do not know how longingly I look upon you,
You must be he I was seeking, or she I was seeking, (it comes to me, as of a dream,)   
I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you,   
All is recall’d as we flit by each other, fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,   
You grew up with me, were a boy with me, or a girl with me, I ate with you, and slept with you—your body has become not yours only, nor left my body mine only,   
You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass—you take of my beard, breast, hands, in return,   
I am not to speak to you—I am to think of you when I sit alone, or wake at night
alone, I am to wait—I do not doubt I am to meet you again,   
I am to see to it that I do not lose you.  

Walt Whitman (1819–1892)

I AIN'T THA ONE
Sometimes I used to wonder,
How the hell an ugly dude get a fine girl's number.
He's gettin' juiced for his ducats,
I tell a girl in a minute, yo, I drive a bucket,
and won't think nuttin' of it.
She can ride or walk,
either leave it or love it.
I show her that I'm not the O, the N-E, say.
I'm a ruthless N-I double-G A,
'cause I'm gamin' on a female that's gamin' on me
You know I spell girl with a B.

O'Shea Jackson (1969- )

Cappie2000 wrote:

• cappie2000 wrote:
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  July 2008
  

  she's like that girl in class (back when you were 14) which was too beautiful and mysterious to even ask out on a date.. all the boys had stories about her, but none of them were true.. all the girls weren't even jealous, because they didn't even know how to cope with or how to behave near such an expression of God like this girl...
  View Profile | Leave cappie2000 a shout
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• yesboss wrote:
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  October 2008
  

  yeah cappie, i know what u mean, the one that smelt kinda weird but still floated through ur mind when having a wank
  View Profile | Leave yesboss a shout 
  
  
  
  
  

Plastic Temptation

My mom doesn't believe in credit cards.
Tools of Mamon, she said.

IF FOUND

Please contact XXX.XXX.XXXX

$$$CASH REWARDD$$$
(EVERYONE LIKES MONEY, RIGHT?)

If returned, I will pay you half the current market value of this iPod or 50 USD, whichever is greater.

If this has been found after the apocalyptic event which occurred in the December of 2012 and you have one of the last working computers known to mankind, I am willing to pay you your weight in non-perishable food items -or- clothing for the return of my iPod (price is negotiable.)

Thank you.

Jesus, I Trust In You

She got up that morning, on a beautiful sunny day -- went to the bank. She drove to her job through that beautiful sunny afternoon -- and got killed.

January 14, 1966 - July 8, 2006

It goes a lil sumn like dis

-------------------------------------------------------------------

    Just make yourself comfortable and close your eyes now. Just separate your hands and let them lie loosely in your lap or by your sides if that's more comfortable. It's better if your legs are uncrossed, but it doesn't matter if you feel the need to move slightly now and again. You don't have to be absolutely still, just be comfortable and relax the whole body as much as you can.

    Now I want you to take a deep breath and hold it for a moment before breathing out slowly--just allowing your whole body to relax as you do so--and I want you to keep your eyes closed now, and just keep listening quietly to the sound of my voice. You'll be aware of other sounds, too: sounds inside the building, sounds from outside, maybe passing traffic? But these won't disturb you. In fact, they'll help to relax you, because just for now the world outside is absolutely unimportant to you.

    The only sound you're interested in is the sound of my voice, and while you're listening to the sound of my voice, I want you to concentrate for a moment on your breathing. Breathing slowly. And steadily. And evenly. Just as if you were trying to convince somebody that you were absolutely sound asleep. And as you breathe out each time, just allowing your whole body to relax more and more so that you gradually find yourself feeling as if your whole body were sinking further, and further, with each breath you breathe. And while you're listening to the sound of my voice, you can just simply allow yourself to be as lazy as you would ever want to be.



Just allow yourself to be as lazy as you could ever want to be.









Good.

Dangerous Teen Trends

Only 10 easy payments

So i'm kind of like an expert on infomercials let me tell you what I think about a few okay? Okay.

So the magic bullet one was pretty entertaining it really made me want to buy it because the people were good actors and actresses not really, but it made me sad to think--holy poop this is as far as you've come with all your acting experience anyway it was really funny but that's to be expected because it was unintentionally so. The DualSaw one made my jaw drop because I thought it was 10 bucks but it turns out that's only for a trial period--the thing actually costs about 200 dollars. Suxxxxxx. LUMINESS Air and Bare Minerals and Sheer Cover and all these make up ones I like because people are photoshopped irl pretty much but I am sure it is just professional makeup which is too bad but oh well. Rosetta Stone ionno I actually want it, I wish they had shown people speaking in other languages though. Oh yeah, so those make up ones, I can't relate to them I mean I would never buy make up but along the same lines there is also this Murad Acne Complex thing I mean I would buy that but my acne has gone away pretty much I think I just need to stick with the Proactiv.

AbSculpt is so cool but I can just do crunches probably not though It'd be cool to have something do my crunches for me because my neck hurts when I do them but hopefully I will have a six pack soon.

Jeff's Shortcuts to Internet Millions left a bad taste in my mouth because it's pretty much bullshit fuck you Jeff.

Oh yeah that Slim N Fit really works more older women should wear them I think it would boost their confidence a bit I like seeing people with confidence it makes my day.

Oh and let's not forget the TempurPedic mattress infomercial that is my first foray into the world of infomercials and goddamn I still want one it is made with NASA-patented memory foam that REMEMBERS ITS SHape and you can set a glass of wine down at one corner of the mattress and jump on the other and the mattress absorbs the energy! and even if you roll over it TWICE with a steamroller it returns to its original shape I hope they gave that mattress to some poor kid he deserves it.


















So anyway I want a TempurPedic mattress.

THE EFFECTS OF ALCOHOL

THE EFFECTS OF
ALCOHOL
ON AN
ADOLESCENT MALE
PARTAKING OF VARIOUS TYPES, MIXTURES, AND TINCTURES
OF ALCOHOL
FOR THE FIRST TIME

-A COMPREHENSIVE REPORT-

Patient: DANIEL X. XXXXXXXX
Age: 18
D.O.B.: xx/xx/1991
Sex: Male
Height: 1.95 m
Weight: 90.7 kg

OBJECTIVE: To record the psycho- and physiological effects incurred by a steady dosage of alcohol over one (1) night (~6 hours) on patient. ADDITIONAL NOTES: Patient is anosmic. Family history includes issues with alcoholism as well as the cardiovascular system.

No effort has been made to mitigate placebo bias in this study.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

22:35
Initial Dosage

~30 mL of 80 proof Burnett's Vodka

ANXIETY: 1 - 2 - 3* - 4 - 5
EBULLIENCE: 1 - 2 - 3 -4 - 5
LOQUACITY: 1 - 2 - 3 -4 - 5

*(Reason to doubt patient response due to
slightly abnormal responses to questions
like, "Are you nervous?" Possibly in
denial?)

Patient report:

• warmth in the upper esophagial region
• familial tremors are stable
• speaking coherently
• ambulent
• good coordination, dexterity

22:44

9 minutes after initial dosage.
Patient comment: "I feel absolutely normal..."

22:51

16 minutes after initial dosage:
Patient reports increasing warmth in stomach.

23:13
Second Dosage

~30 mL 80 proof Jim Beam Bourbon Whiskey

23:21

Doctor comments: "Dooucheebaaag..."*
*At 00:20, patient writes on report: "Fuck ooooffff! (sic).

23:27
Third Dosage

~30 mL 80 proof Azteca Tequila

No perceptible effects apart from slight familial tremors

23:40
Fourth Dosage

~30 mL of 80 proof Burnett's Vodka

23:44

Patient reports light-headedness, worsening of familial tremors.

23:50
Fifth Dosage

~30 mL 80 proof Jim Beam Bourbon Whiskey
and
~30 mL 80 proof Azteca Tequila

00:15

Patient reports:

• Slurring of speech: "I'm having double wishion." (sic)
• Clumsy ambulance
• Trailing vision
• Failing depth-perception

00:17

Increasing clumsiness

00:18
Sixth Dosage
~150 mL 80 proof Jim Beam Bourbon Whiskey
and
~150 mL Dr. Pepper

00:21

Patient fails to pass field sobriety test.

00:32
Seventh Dosage
Large unmeasured amount of 42 proof Captain Morgan Parrot Bay Coconut Rum

ANXIETY: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
EBULLIENCE: 1 - 2 - 3 -4 - 5
LOQUACITY: 1 - 2 - 3 -4 - 5

Patient report:

• Highly perceptible adverse effect on motor skills
• Further slurring of speech

00:34

• Abnormal facial expressions
• Lightheadedness
• Incoherency in thought pattern

00:42

Initiation of male bonding with fellow roommate, JON.

• Indian-leg wrestling
• Arm wrestling
• Mercy

00:43

Patient comment: "I am a bit drunk, I am nauseous...my stomach is full...my ebullience would be at an all-time high.
*At 01:21, patient writes: "is 4.5 OJA."

00:49

Patient's slurring worsening. Inversion of initial consonants is notably evident: "The alcohol just sit my hystem." (sic)

00:53

My professional opinion is that i don't know*
*Please note that examiner has also been imbibing alcoholic beverages.

01:15

Patient vomits, notes lack of dexterity.

01:23

Patient begins self-reporting. Examiner reluctantly agrees, as he is enjoying his own beverage. Examiner's notes will be in red for the rest of the report.
Professional opinion:

• Very Drunk
• conversations make no sense;
• very jumpy
• 23 oz. by my calculation @ 1:24 AM*

*Patient calculations should not be trusted. He is neither 1) sober nor 2) using metric units of measurement.

Being drunk is indeed euphoric but not worth it.

01:28

Nauseous since 1:15

00:29

Dry heaves - water vomit

01:35

B Really wam wants to come comment about [examiner] am and the black PA girl relationship

01:40

very noticably (sic) nauseous
cannot search google
Told I do not appear drunk

01:434

Seems like forever

• nauseous but recovering slightly
• notice my own slurring
• I presume detoxing a bit

01:46

NAUSEOUS! in waves

01:48

Pushups VERY EXCITING!

01:52

Dry Heaves

01:57

Coordination enhanced noticeably
6 shots
5 shots alcohol/Dr. Pepper
(Vodka?) RUM
7ish shots Rum/Dr. Pepper

STILL NAUSEOUS (SP?)

17 shots total
11 shots Lot 40%
+ 7 shots 35%
= 4.4 shots + 2.54 shots
4.4
+2.45
= 6.85 shot oz. pure alcohol

02:04

tingly limbs

02:10

Nauseous Dry Heaving

02:13

I feel like I can talk mor lucidly easier

02:15

Patient report: stilted speech, nauseousness, better coherence. Has thrown up several times.

02:19

Alcohol is WAY more bitter the second time

02:20

" "

02:28

Nauseous - I wish I wasn't drunk

02:30

Patient goes to bed, still feeling slightly nauseous.

Harrisburg, Pennsylvania

(717): Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
(1-717): Haha how do you remember that?
(717): HOW COULD I FORGET?!

Screenplay for

MORGAN FREEMAN
READS THE
ENCYCLOPEDIA
by Aleksandr Wright

MORGAN FREEMAN walks into a large, white room. The only furnishings are a white coffee table, and a white couch, upon which MORGAN FREEMAN takes a seat. Three things are on the coffee table, the most current version of the ENCYCLOPAEDIA BRITANNICA, an elegant DECANTER full of fine SCOTCH WHISKEY, and a HUMIDOR with 12 CUBAN CIGARS.

MORGAN FREEMAN pours himself a shot of whiskey and takes a sip. He sets the glass down and picks a volume at random. As he settles back, he flips to a random page, and after a short pause, begins reading:

MORGAN FREEMAN

"Uyuni salt flat. Spanish: Salar de Uyuni. An arid, windswept salt flat in southwestern Bolivia. It lies on the Altiplano, at 11,995 feet (3,656 metres) above sea level. The Uyuni Salt Flat is Bolivia’s largest salt-encrusted waste area (about 4,085 square miles [10,582 square km]) and is separated from the Coipasa Salt Flat, a similar but smaller feature to the north, by a range of hills. On its shores are saltworks at Salinas de Garci Mendoza on the north, Llica on the northwest, and Calcha on the south. Vast reserves of untapped lithium..."

MORGAN FREEMAN may occasionally take a sip of WHISKEY or light a cigar and take a few puffs as he reads, savoring either the alcohol or the tobacco, respectively. As he reads random articles, perhaps he makes a few "Hmmm..." sounds, or he may give concise, relevant comments after reading a particularly interesting article, "I wonder what it would be like to visit such a place."

SALAR DE UYUNI

http://wikitravel.org/en/Salar_de_Uyuni

Collage

Hey, kollage has been really cool

Met some cool people

Jon - blonde roommate, likes pipe-smoking, working-out, snuff, etc., etc. He is funny if a little stonerish but me too so whatever.
Danny - he is a lifeguard at the activity center, don't know much about him. Religious? Southern Baptist I think. He's cool, a little awkward but it's okay, Danny.
Clifford--no, Carl - I don't know yet. He shaves his legs. Good/bad?
Randi - she is short and endearing.
Treese - gave me my keys
Chelsea (?) - lady at the Residential Office
Chris - house stuff guy. Effeminate, brusque
AJ - he is kool and I should visit him every so often. THANK YOU AJ.

I think that's it.

Mom, don't cry, I'm sorry :(
I'll probably fail out anyway 'cause I don't have the work ethic.

It's not rocket surgery.

Exodus 20:7

Thou dost not take up the name of thy God for a vain thing, for He acquitteth not him who taketh up His name for a vain thing.

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PHTHALOCYANINE BLUE

Also called phthalo blue, helio blue, thalo blue, Winsor blue, Phthalocyanine Blue BN, C.I. Pigment Blue 15:2, Copper phthalocyanine blue, Copper tetrabenzoporphyrazine, Cu-Phthaloblue, PB-15, PB-36, and C.I. 74160.