THE EFFECTS OF ALCOHOL

THE EFFECTS OF
ALCOHOL
ON AN
ADOLESCENT MALE
PARTAKING OF VARIOUS TYPES, MIXTURES, AND TINCTURES
OF ALCOHOL
FOR THE FIRST TIME

-A COMPREHENSIVE REPORT-

Patient: DANIEL X. XXXXXXXX
Age: 18
D.O.B.: xx/xx/1991
Sex: Male
Height: 1.95 m
Weight: 90.7 kg

OBJECTIVE: To record the psycho- and physiological effects incurred by a steady dosage of alcohol over one (1) night (~6 hours) on patient. ADDITIONAL NOTES: Patient is anosmic. Family history includes issues with alcoholism as well as the cardiovascular system.

No effort has been made to mitigate placebo bias in this study.
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22:35
Initial Dosage

~30 mL of 80 proof Burnett's Vodka

ANXIETY: 1 - 2 - 3* - 4 - 5
EBULLIENCE: 1 - 2 - 3 -4 - 5
LOQUACITY: 1 - 2 - 3 -4 - 5

*(Reason to doubt patient response due to
slightly abnormal responses to questions
like, "Are you nervous?" Possibly in
denial?)

Patient report:

• warmth in the upper esophagial region
• familial tremors are stable
• speaking coherently
• ambulent
• good coordination, dexterity

22:44

9 minutes after initial dosage.
Patient comment: "I feel absolutely normal..."

22:51

16 minutes after initial dosage:
Patient reports increasing warmth in stomach.

23:13
Second Dosage

~30 mL 80 proof Jim Beam Bourbon Whiskey

23:21

Doctor comments: "Dooucheebaaag..."*
*At 00:20, patient writes on report: "Fuck ooooffff! (sic).

23:27
Third Dosage

~30 mL 80 proof Azteca Tequila

No perceptible effects apart from slight familial tremors

23:40
Fourth Dosage

~30 mL of 80 proof Burnett's Vodka

23:44

Patient reports light-headedness, worsening of familial tremors.

23:50
Fifth Dosage

~30 mL 80 proof Jim Beam Bourbon Whiskey
and
~30 mL 80 proof Azteca Tequila

00:15

Patient reports:

• Slurring of speech: "I'm having double wishion." (sic)
• Clumsy ambulance
• Trailing vision
• Failing depth-perception

00:17

Increasing clumsiness

00:18
Sixth Dosage
~150 mL 80 proof Jim Beam Bourbon Whiskey
and
~150 mL Dr. Pepper

00:21

Patient fails to pass field sobriety test.

00:32
Seventh Dosage
Large unmeasured amount of 42 proof Captain Morgan Parrot Bay Coconut Rum

ANXIETY: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
EBULLIENCE: 1 - 2 - 3 -4 - 5
LOQUACITY: 1 - 2 - 3 -4 - 5

Patient report:

• Highly perceptible adverse effect on motor skills
• Further slurring of speech

00:34

• Abnormal facial expressions
• Lightheadedness
• Incoherency in thought pattern

00:42

Initiation of male bonding with fellow roommate, JON.

• Indian-leg wrestling
• Arm wrestling
• Mercy

00:43

Patient comment: "I am a bit drunk, I am nauseous...my stomach is full...my ebullience would be at an all-time high.
*At 01:21, patient writes: "is 4.5 OJA."

00:49

Patient's slurring worsening. Inversion of initial consonants is notably evident: "The alcohol just sit my hystem." (sic)

00:53

My professional opinion is that i don't know*
*Please note that examiner has also been imbibing alcoholic beverages.

01:15

Patient vomits, notes lack of dexterity.

01:23

Patient begins self-reporting. Examiner reluctantly agrees, as he is enjoying his own beverage. Examiner's notes will be in red for the rest of the report.
Professional opinion:

• Very Drunk
• conversations make no sense;
• very jumpy
• 23 oz. by my calculation @ 1:24 AM*

*Patient calculations should not be trusted. He is neither 1) sober nor 2) using metric units of measurement.

Being drunk is indeed euphoric but not worth it.

01:28

Nauseous since 1:15

00:29

Dry heaves - water vomit

01:35

B Really wam wants to come comment about [examiner] am and the black PA girl relationship

01:40

very noticably (sic) nauseous
cannot search google
Told I do not appear drunk

01:434

Seems like forever

• nauseous but recovering slightly
• notice my own slurring
• I presume detoxing a bit

01:46

NAUSEOUS! in waves

01:48

Pushups VERY EXCITING!

01:52

Dry Heaves

01:57

Coordination enhanced noticeably
6 shots
5 shots alcohol/Dr. Pepper
(Vodka?) RUM
7ish shots Rum/Dr. Pepper

STILL NAUSEOUS (SP?)

17 shots total
11 shots Lot 40%
+ 7 shots 35%
= 4.4 shots + 2.54 shots
4.4
+2.45
= 6.85 shot oz. pure alcohol

02:04

tingly limbs

02:10

Nauseous Dry Heaving

02:13

I feel like I can talk mor lucidly easier

02:15

Patient report: stilted speech, nauseousness, better coherence. Has thrown up several times.

02:19

Alcohol is WAY more bitter the second time

02:20

" "

02:28

Nauseous - I wish I wasn't drunk

02:30

Patient goes to bed, still feeling slightly nauseous.