9.05.2009

THE EFFECTS OF ALCOHOL


THE EFFECTS OF
ALCOHOL
ON AN
ADOLESCENT MALE
PARTAKING OF VARIOUS TYPES, MIXTURES, AND TINCTURES
OF ALCOHOL
FOR THE FIRST TIME

-A COMPREHENSIVE REPORT-


Patient: DANIEL X. XXXXXXXX
Age: 18
D.O.B.: xx/xx/1991
Sex: Male
Height: 1.95 m
Weight: 90.7 kg


OBJECTIVE: To record the psycho- and physiological effects incurred by a steady dosage of alcohol over one (1) night (~6 hours) on patient. ADDITIONAL NOTES: Patient is anosmic. Family history includes issues with alcoholism as well as the cardiovascular system.

No effort has been made to mitigate placebo bias in this study.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

22:35
Initial Dosage

~30 mL of 80 proof Burnett's Vodka

ANXIETY: 1 - 2 - 3* - 4 - 5
EBULLIENCE: 1 - 2 - 3 -4 - 5
LOQUACITY: 1 - 2 - 3 -4 - 5
*(Reason to doubt patient response due to
slightly abnormal responses to questions
like, "Are you nervous?" Possibly in
denial?)

Patient report:

  • warmth in the upper esophagial region
  • familial tremors are stable
  • speaking coherently
  • ambulent
  • good coordination, dexterity
22:44
9 minutes after initial dosage.
Patient comment: "I feel absolutely normal..."

22:51
16 minutes after initial dosage:
Patient reports increasing warmth in stomach.

23:13
Second Dosage
~30 mL 80 proof Jim Beam Bourbon Whiskey


23:21
Doctor comments: "Dooucheebaaag..."*
*At 00:20, patient writes on report: "Fuck ooooffff! (sic).

23:27
Third Dosage
~30 mL 80 proof Azteca Tequila
No perceptible effects apart from slight familial tremors

23:40
Fourth Dosage
~30 mL of 80 proof Burnett's Vodka


23:44
Patient reports light-headedness, worsening of familial tremors.

23:50
Fifth Dosage
~30 mL 80 proof Jim Beam Bourbon Whiskey
and
~30 mL 80 proof Azteca Tequila

00:15
Patient reports:
  • Slurring of speech: "I'm having double wishion." (sic)
  • Clumsy ambulance
  • Trailing vision
  • Failing depth-perception
00:17
Increasing clumsiness

00:18
Sixth Dosage
~150 mL 80 proof Jim Beam Bourbon Whiskey
and
~150
mL Dr. Pepper

00:21

Patient fails to pass field sobriety test.


00:32
Seventh Dosage
Large unmeasured amount of 42 proof Captain Morgan Parrot Bay Coconut Rum

ANXIETY: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
EBULLIENCE: 1 - 2 - 3 -4 - 5
LOQUACITY: 1 - 2 - 3 -4 - 5

Patient report:
  • Highly perceptible adverse effect on motor skills
  • Further slurring of speech
00:34
  • Abnormal facial expressions
  • Lightheadedness
  • Incoherency in thought pattern
00:42
Initiation of male bonding with fellow roommate, JON.

  • Indian-leg wrestling
  • Arm wrestling
  • Mercy
00:43
Patient comment: "I am a bit drunk, I am nauseous...my stomach is full...my ebullience would be at an all-time high.
*At 01:21, patient writes: "is 4.5 OJA."

00:49
Patient's slurring worsening. Inversion of initial consonants is notably evident: "The alcohol just sit my hystem." (sic)

00:53
My professional opinion is that i don't know*
*Please note that examiner has also been imbibing alcoholic beverages.

01:15
Patient vomits, notes lack of dexterity.


01:23
Patient begins self-reporting. Examiner reluctantly agrees, as he is enjoying his own beverage. Examiner's notes will be in red for the rest of the report.
Professional opinion:

  • Very Drunk
  • conversations make no sense;
  • very jumpy
  • 23 oz. by my calculation @ 1:24 AM*
*Patient calculations should not be trusted. He is neither 1) sober nor 2) using metric units of measurement.

Being drunk is indeed euphoric but not worth it.


01:28
Nauseous since 1:15

00:29
Dry heaves - water vomit

01:35
B Really wam wants to come comment about [examiner] am and the black PA girl relationship

01:40
very noticably (sic) nauseous
cannot search google
Told I do not appear drunk

01:434
Seems like forever
  • nauseous but recovering slightly
  • notice my own slurring
  • I presume detoxing a bit
01:46
NAUSEOUS! in waves

01:48
Pushups VERY EXCITING!

01:52
Dry Heaves

01:57
Coordination enhanced noticeably
6 shots
5 shots alcohol/Dr. Pepper
(Vodka?) RUM
7ish shots Rum/Dr. Pepper

STILL NAUSEOUS (SP?)

17 shots total
11 shots Lot 40%
+ 7 shots 35%
= 4.4 shots + 2.54 shots
4.4
+2.45
= 6.85 shot oz. pure alcohol
02:04
tingly limbs

02:10
Nauseous Dry Heaving
02:13
I feel like I can talk mor lucidly easier

02:15
Patient report: stilted speech, nauseousness, better coherence. Has thrown up several times.

02:19

Alcohol is WAY more bitter the second time


02:20
" "
02:28
Nauseous - I wish I wasn't drunk
02:30

Patient goes to bed, still feeling slightly nauseous.

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