Words to comfort someone grieving

DO SAY:

• I am sorry

• Tell me how I can help; I want to be here for you.

• ___________ was a good person and friend of mine. I will miss him or her.

• Would you like a hug?

• Please tell me what you are feeling right now, I have never been through something like this and can only imagine.

• It's ok if you do not feel like talking right now. Just know that I am here to listen whenever you are ready.

• “I love you” (if you are close enough)

• talk openly and directly about the person who died

DON’T SAY:

• "I know how you feel." Truthfully, you don’t know how they feel no one does whether you have been through a loss before or not! Don’t be surprised if the turn around and scream, “YOU don’t know how I feel, no one knows how bad I feel!”

• “You should...” or “Time heals all wounds.” offering advice or quick solutions just ends up frustrating and upsetting the grieving person.

• “At least he’s no longer in pain.” or “She’s in a better place now.” Or “It was God’s timing/will.” Trying to cheer the person up or distract from the emotional intensity only helps to prolong the grieving process and may even alienate them from you.

•  “Oh, it’s not that bad.” Or “You’ll be ok.” Or “Things will go back to normal before you know it.” Or “It will get better." Grieving people know this intellectually, but in their heart, they may feel so lost and alone. These statements tend to minimize the loss and could upset the grieving person and they may even feel frustrated and angry with you.

• "Just call me if there is anything I can do." In the midst of grief, you just can’t think straight and you have no idea what you need. It’s up to you to call and if the grieving person does not want to speak with anyone, he or she will not answer the phone. If they don’t answer, the phone just leave a supportive message and let them know you are thinking about them

• "Don't cry." It is uncomfortable and painful to see someone you care about cry but telling him or her not to cry only prolongs the process and does not support the natural grieving process that needs to occur.