I have a brother

 who will never live to see freedom because he chose a way of life that landed him in prison. His son often asks me where he is and I cant bring myself to tell him the type of person his father really is, and its songs like this that make me want to hate my brother for being so selfish and not realizing the hurt he puts in his sons heart. The lyrics in this song explain exactly what I feel when I think of my nephew when I held his newborn body for the first time.

Plans

plan A to kill my self, plan B to kill my self, plan C to weather the summer, and in autumn, to kill my self.

The Loreto Litanies

Lord have mercy.
Christ have mercy.
Lord have mercy.
Christ hear us.
Christ graciously hear us.

God, the Father of heaven,
have mercy on us.

God the Son, Redeemer of the world,
God the Holy Spirit,
Holy Trinity, one God,

Holy Mary,
pray for us.
Holy Mother of God,
Holy Virgin of virgins,
Mother of Christ,
Mother of the Church,
Mother of divine grace,
Mother most pure,
Mother most chaste,
Mother inviolate,
Mother undefiled,
Mother most amiable,
Mother admirable,
Mother of good counsel,
Mother of our Creator,
Mother of our Saviour,
Mother of mercy,
Virgin most prudent,
Virgin most venerable,
Virgin most renowned,
Virgin most powerful,
Virgin most merciful,
Virgin most faithful,
Mirror of justice,
Seat of wisdom,
Cause of our joy,
Spiritual vessel,
Vessel of honour,
Singular vessel of devotion,
Mystical rose,
Tower of David,
Tower if ivory,
House of gold,
Ark of the covenant,
Gate of heaven,
Morning star,
Health of the sick,
Refuge of sinners,
Comfort of the afflicted,
Help of Christians,
Queen of Angels,
Queen of Patriarchs,
Queen of Prophets,
Queen of Apostles,
Queen of Martyrs,
Queen of Confessors,
Queen of Virgins,
Queen of all Saints,
Queen conceived without original sin,
Queen assumed into heaven,
Queen of the most holy Rosary,
Queen of families,
Queen of peace.

Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world,
spare us, O Lord.

Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world,
graciously hear us, O Lord.

Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world,
have mercy on us.

Pray for us, O holy Mother of God.
That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

Let us pray.
Grant, we beseech thee,
O Lord God,
that we, your servants,
may enjoy perpetual health of mind and body;
and by the intercession of the Blessed Mary, ever Virgin,
may be delivered from present sorrow,
and obtain eternal joy.
Through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Why don't you dip yourself in flour and make a skankbiscuit

Sign. Me. Up.

Consider me lynched.

gluggaveður

"window-weather"; weather that appears really nice from an indoors vantage point, but is actually unpleasant for whatever reason (usually cold).

Mamihlapinatapai

A look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something that they both desire but which neither wants to begin.

Jeeper Creepers

Every thirty days... it feeds... FOR THIRTY DAYS.

Rhetoric is coool

Alliteration: repetition of the same sound beginning several words in sequence.

*Let us go forth to lead the land we love. J. F. Kennedy, Inaugural

*Viri validis cum viribus luctant. Ennius

*Veni, vidi, vici. Julius Caesar

Anacoluthon: lack of grammatical sequence; a change in the grammatical construction within the same sentence.

*Agreements entered into when one state of facts exists -- are they to be maintained regardless of changing conditions? J. Diefenbaker

Anadiplosis: ("doubling back") the rhetorical repetition of one or several words; specifically, repetition of a word that ends one clause at the beginning of the next.

*Men in great place are thrice servants: servants of the sovereign or state; servants of fame; and servants of business. Francis Bacon

*Senatus haec intellegit, consul videt; hic tamen vivit. Vivit? Immo vero etiam in senatum venit. Cicero, In Catilinam

*Aeschines 3.133

Anaphora: the repetition of a word or phrase at the beginning of successive phrases, clauses or lines.

*We shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills. We shall never surrender. Churchill.

*Nihil agis, nihil moliris, nihil cogitas, quod non ego non modo audiam, sed etiam videam planeque sentiam. Cicero, In Catilinam

*Lysias, Against Eratosthenes 21

*Demosthenes, On the Crown 48

Anastrophe: transposition of normal word order; most often found in Latin in the case of prepositions and the words they control. Anastrophe is a form of hyperbaton.

*The helmsman steered; the ship moved on; yet never a breeze up blew. Coleridge, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner

*Isdem in oppidis, Cicero

*Demosthenes, On the Crown 13

Antistrophe: repetition of the same word or phrase at the end of successive clauses.

*In 1931, ten years ago, Japan invaded Manchukuo -- without warning. In 1935, Italy invaded Ethiopia -- without warning. In 1938, Hitler occupied Austria -- without warning. In 1939, Hitler invaded Czechoslovakia -- without warning. Later in 1939, Hitler invaded Poland -- without warning. And now Japan has attacked Malaya and Thailand -- and the United States --without warning. Franklin D. Roosevelt

*Aeschines, Against Ctesiphon 198

Antithesis: opposition, or contrast of ideas or words in a balanced or parallel construction.

*Extremism in defense of liberty is no vice, moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue. Barry Goldwater

*Brutus: Not that I loved Caesar less, but that I loved Rome more. Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

*The vases of the classical period are but the reflection of classical beauty; the vases of the archaic period are beauty itself." Sir John Beazley

*Demosthenes, Olynthiac 2.26

Aporia: expression of doubt (often feigned) by which a speaker appears uncertain as to what he should think, say, or do.

*Then the steward said within himself, 'What shall I do?' Luke 16

*Demosthenes, On the Crown 129

Aposiopesis: a form of ellipse by which a speaker comes to an abrupt halt, seemingly overcome by passion (fear, excitement, etc.) or modesty.

*Demosthenes, On the Crown 3

Apostrophe: a sudden turn from the general audience to address a specific group or person or personified abstraction absent or present.

*For Brutus, as you know, was Caesar's angel. Judge, O you gods, how dearly Caesar loved him. Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

Archaism: use of an older or obsolete form.

*Pipit sate upright in her chair Some distance from where I was sitting; T. S. Eliot, "A Cooking Egg"

Assonance: repetition of the same sound in words close to each other.

*Thy kingdom come, thy will be done.

*O fortunatam natam me consule Romam! Cicero, de consulatu

Asyndeton: lack of conjunctions between coordinate phrases, clauses, or words.

*We shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardships, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty. J. F. Kennedy, Inaugural

*But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. Lincoln, Gettysburg Address

*Demosthenes, On the Crown 200

Brachylogy: a general term for abbreviated or condensed expression, of which asyndeton and zeugma are types. Ellipse is often used synonymously. The suppressed word or phrase can usually be supplied easily from the surrounding context.

*Aeolus haec contra: Vergil, Aeneid

*Non Cinnae, non Sullae longa dominatio. Tacitus, Annales I.1

Cacophony: harsh joining of sounds.

*We want no parlay with you and your grisly gang who work your wicked will. W. Churchill

*O Tite tute Tati tibi tanta tyranne tulisti! Ennius

Catachresis: a harsh metaphor involving the use of a word beyond its strict sphere.

*I listen vainly, but with thirsty ear. MacArthur, Farewell Address

*Cynthia prima suis miserum me cepit ocellis. Propertius I.1.1

Chiasmus: two corresponding pairs arranged not in parallels (a-b-a-b) but in inverted order (a-b-b-a); from shape of the Greek letter chi (X).

*Those gallant men will remain often in my thoughts and in my prayers always. MacArthur

*Renown'd for conquest, and in council skill'd. Addison et pacis ornamenta et subsidia belli. Cicero, Pro lege Manilia

*Plato, Republic 494e

Climax: arrangement of words, phrases, or clauses in an order of ascending power. Often the last emphatic word in one phrase or clause is repeated as the first emphatic word of the next.

*One equal temper of heroic hearts, Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. Tennyson, Ulysses

*Nonne hunc in vincula duci, non ad mortem rapi, non summo supplicio mactari imperabis? Cicero, In Catilinam

*Facinus est vincere civem Romanum; scelus verberare; prope parricidium necare: quid dicam in crucem tollere? verbo satis digno tam nefaria res appellari nullo modo potest. Cicero, In Verrem

*Demosthenes, On the Crown 179

Euphemism: substitution of an agreeable or at least non-offensive expression for one whose plainer meaning might be harsh or unpleasant.

*When the final news came, there would be a ring at the front door -- a wife in this situation finds herself staring at the front door as if she no longer owns it or controls it--and outside the door would be a man... come to inform her that unfortunately something has happened out there, and her husband's body now lies incinerated in the swamps or the pines or the palmetto grass, "burned beyond recognition," which anyone who had been around an air base very long (fortunately Jane had not) realized was quite an artful euphemism to describe a human body that now looked like an enormous fowl that has burned up in a stove, burned a blackish brown all over, greasy and blistered, fried, in a word, with not only the entire face and all the hair and the ears burned off, not to mention all the clothing, but also the hands and feet, with what remains of the arms and legs bent at the knees and elbows and burned into absolutely rigid angles, burned a greasy blackish brown like the bursting body itself, so that this husband, father, officer, gentleman, this ornamentum of some mother's eye, His Majesty the Baby of just twenty-odd years back, has been reduced to a charred hulk with wings and shanks sticking out of it. Tom Wolfe, The Right Stuff

Hendiadys: use of two words connected by a conjunction, instead of subordinating one to the other, to express a single complex idea.

*It sure is nice and cool today! (for "pleasantly cool")

*I love the Lord, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications. Psalms 116

*Perfecti oratoris moderatione et sapientia. Cicero, De oratore

Hypallage: ("exchanging") transferred epithet; grammatical agreement of a word with another word which it does not logically qualify. More common in poetry.

*Exegi monumentum aere perennius regalique situ pyramidum altius, Horace, Odes III.30

Hyperbaton: separation of words which belong together, often to emphasize the first of the separated words or to create a certain image.

*Speluncam Dido dux et Troianus eandem Vergil, Aeneid 4.124, 165

Hyperbole: exaggeration for emphasis or for rhetorical effect.

*My vegetable love should grow Vaster than empires, and more slow; An hundred years should got to praise Thine eyes and on thine forehead gaze; Two hundred to adore each breast, But thirty thousand to the rest. Andrew Marvell, "To His Coy Mistress"

*Da mi basia mille, deinde centum, Dein mille altera, dein secunda centum, Deinde usque altera mille, deinde centum. Catullus, to his.

Hysteron Proteron ("later-earlier"): inversion of the natural sequence of events, often meant to stress the event which, though later in time, is considered the more important.

*"I like the island Manhattan. Smoke on your pipe and put that in." -- from the song "America," West Side Story lyric by Stephen Sondheim (submitted per litteram by guest rhetorician Anthony Scelba)

*Put on your shoes and socks!

*Hannibal in Africam redire atque Italia decedere coactus est. Cicero, In Catilinam

Irony: expression of something which is contrary to the intended meaning; the words say one thing but mean another.

*Yet Brutus says he was ambitious; And Brutus is an honourable man. Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

Litotes: understatement, for intensification, by denying the contrary of the thing being affirmed. (Sometimes used synonymously with meiosis.)

*A few unannounced quizzes are not inconceivable.

*War is not healthy for children and other living things.

*One nuclear bomb can ruin your whole day. (meiosis)

Metaphor: implied comparison achieved through a figurative use of words; the word is used not in its literal sense, but in one analogous to it.

*Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player, That struts and frets his hour upon the stage. Shakespeare, Macbeth

*. . . while he learned the language (that meager and fragile thread . . . by which the little surface corners and edges of men's secret and solitary lives may be joined for an instant now and then before sinking back into the darkness. . . ) Faulkner, Absalom, Absalom!

*From Stettin in the Baltic to Trieste in the Adriatic, an iron curtain has descended across the continent. W. Churchill

Metonymy: substitution of one word for another which it suggests.

*He is a man of the cloth.

*The pen is mightier than the sword.

*By the sweat of thy brow thou shalt eat thy bread.

Onomatopoeia: use of words to imitate natural sounds; accommodation of sound to sense.

*At tuba terribili sonitu taratantara dixit. Ennius

Oxymoron: apparent paradox achieved by the juxtaposition of words which seem to contradict one another.

*Festina lente.

*I must be cruel only to be kind. Shakespeare, Hamlet

Paradox: an assertion seemingly opposed to common sense, but that may yet have some truth in it.

*What a pity that youth must be wasted on the young. George Bernard Shaw

Paraprosdokian: surprise or unexpected ending of a phrase or series.

*He was at his best when the going was good. Alistair Cooke on the Duke of Windsor

*There but for the grace of God -- goes God. Churchill

*Laudandus, ornandus, tollendus. Cicero on Octavian

Paronomasia: use of similar sounding words; often etymological word-play.

*...culled cash, or cold cash, and then it turned into a gold cache. E.L. Doctorow, Billy Bathgate

*Thou art Peter (Greek petros), and upon this rock (Greek petra) I shall build my church. Matthew 16

*The dying Mercutio: Ask for me tomorrow and you shall find me a grave man. Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

*Hic est sepulcrum haud pulchrum feminae pulchrae.

Personification: attribution of personality to an impersonal thing.

*England expects every man to do his duty. Lord Nelson

*Nunc te patria, quae communis est parens omnium nostrum, odit ac metuit et iam diu nihil te iudicat nisi de parricidio suo cogitare. Cicero, In Catilinam

Pleonasm: use of superfluous or redundant words, often enriching the thought.

*No one, rich or poor, will be excepted.

*Ears pierced while you wait!

*I have seen no stranger sight since I was born.

Polysyndeton: the repetition of conjunctions in a series of coordinate words, phrases, or clauses.

*I said, "Who killed him?" and he said, "I don't know who killed him but he's dead all right," and it was dark and there was water standing in the street and no lights and windows broke and boats all up in the town and trees blown down and everything all blown and I got a skiff and went out and found my boat where I had her inside Mango Bay and she was all right only she was full of water. Hemingway, After the Storm

*omnia Mercurio similis, vocemque coloremque et crinis flavos et membra decora iuventae Vergil, Aeneid 4.558-9

*Horae quidem cedunt et dies et menses et anni, nec praeteritum tempus umquam revertitur, nec quid sequatur sciri potest. Cicero, De senectute

Praeteritio (=paraleipsis): pretended omission for rhetorical effect.

*That part of our history detailing the military achievements which gave us our several possessions ... is a theme too familiar to my listeners for me to dilate on, and I shall therefore pass it by. Thucydides, "Funeral Oration"

*Let us make no judgment on the events of Chappaquiddick, since the facts are not yet all in. A political opponent of Senator Edward Kennedy

Prolepsis: the anticipation, in adjectives or nouns, of the result of the action of a verb; also, the positioning of a relative clause before its antecedent.

*Vixi et quem dederat cursum fortuna peregi, Vergil, Aeneid 4.653

*Consider the lilies of the field how they grow.

Simile: an explicit comparison between two things using 'like' or 'as'.

*My love is as a fever, longing still For that which longer nurseth the disease, Shakespeare, Sonnet CXLVII

*Reason is to faith as the eye to the telescope. D. Hume [?]

*Let us go then, you and I, While the evening is spread out against the sky, Like a patient etherized upon a table... T.S. Eliot, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

Syllepsis: use of a word with two others, with each of which it is understood differently.

*We must all hang together or assuredly we will all hang separately. Benjamin Franklin

Synchysis: interlocked word order.

*aurea purpuream subnectit fibula vestem Vergil, Aeneid 4.139

Synecdoche: understanding one thing with another; the use of a part for the whole, or the whole for the part. (A form of metonymy.)

*Give us this day our daily bread. Matthew 6

*I should have been a pair of ragged claws Scuttling across the floors of silent seas. T. S. Eliot, "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"

*The U.S. won three gold medals. (Instead of, The members of the U.S. boxing team won three gold medals.)

Synesis (=constructio ad sensum): the agreement of words according to logic, and not by the grammatical form; a kind of anacoluthon.

*For the wages of sin is death. Romans 6

*Then Philip went down to the city of Samaria, and preached Christ unto them. Acts 6

Tautology: repetition of an idea in a different word, phrase, or sentence.

*With malice toward none, with charity for all. Lincoln, Second Inaugural

Zeugma: two different words linked to a verb or an adjective which is strictly appropriate to only one of them.

*Nor Mars his sword, nor war's quick fire shall burn The living record of your memory.

*Longa tibi exsilia et vastum maris aequor arandum. Vergil, Aeneid

The Little Match Girl

Most terribly cold it was; it snowed, and was nearly quite dark, and evening-- the last evening of the year. In this cold and darkness there went along the street a poor little girl, bareheaded, and with naked feet. When she left home she had slippers on, it is true; but what was the good of that? They were very large slippers, which her mother had hitherto worn; so large were they; and the poor little thing lost them as she scuffled away across the street, because of two carriages that rolled by dreadfully fast.

One slipper was nowhere to be found; the other had been laid hold of by an urchin, and off he ran with it; he thought it would do capitally for a cradle when he some day or other should have children himself. So the little maiden walked on with her tiny naked feet, that were quite red and blue from cold. She carried a quantity of matches in an old apron, and she held a bundle of them in her hand. Nobody had bought anything of her the whole livelong day; no one had given her a single farthing.

She crept along trembling with cold and hunger--a very picture of sorrow, the poor little thing!

The flakes of snow covered her long fair hair, which fell in beautiful curls around her neck; but of that, of course, she never once now thought. From all the windows the candles were gleaming, and it smelt so deliciously of roast goose, for you know it was New Year's Eve; yes, of that she thought.

In a corner formed by two houses, of which one advanced more than the other, she seated herself down and cowered together. Her little feet she had drawn close up to her, but she grew colder and colder, and to go home she did not venture, for she had not sold any matches and could not bring a farthing of money: from her father she would certainly get blows, and at home it was cold too, for above her she had only the roof, through which the wind whistled, even though the largest cracks were stopped up with straw and rags.

Her little hands were almost numbed with cold. Oh! a match might afford her a world of comfort, if she only dared take a single one out of the bundle, draw it against the wall, and warm her fingers by it. She drew one out. "Rischt!" how it blazed, how it burnt! It was a warm, bright flame, like a candle, as she held her hands over it: it was a wonderful light. It seemed really to the little maiden as though she were sitting before a large iron stove, with burnished brass feet and a brass ornament at top. The fire burned with such blessed influence; it warmed so delightfully. The little girl had already stretched out her feet to warm them too; but--the small flame went out, the stove vanished: she had only the remains of the burnt-out match in her hand.

She rubbed another against the wall: it burned brightly, and where the light fell on the wall, there the wall became transparent like a veil, so that she could see into the room. On the table was spread a snow-white tablecloth; upon it was a splendid porcelain service, and the roast goose was steaming famously with its stuffing of apple and dried plums. And what was still more capital to behold was, the goose hopped down from the dish, reeled about on the floor with knife and fork in its breast, till it came up to the poor little girl; when--the match went out and nothing but the thick, cold, damp wall was left behind. She lighted another match. Now there she was sitting under the most magnificent Christmas tree: it was still larger, and more decorated than the one which she had seen through the glass door in the rich merchant's house.

Thousands of lights were burning on the green branches, and gaily-colored pictures, such as she had seen in the shop-windows, looked down upon her. The little maiden stretched out her hands towards them when--the match went out. The lights of the Christmas tree rose higher and higher, she saw them now as stars in heaven; one fell down and formed a long trail of fire.

"Someone is just dead!" said the little girl; for her old grandmother, the only person who had loved her, and who was now no more, had told her, that when a star falls, a soul ascends to God.

She drew another match against the wall: it was again light, and in the lustre there stood the old grandmother, so bright and radiant, so mild, and with such an expression of love.

"Grandmother!" cried the little one. "Oh, take me with you! You go away when the match burns out; you vanish like the warm stove, like the delicious roast goose, and like the magnificent Christmas tree!" And she rubbed the whole bundle of matches quickly against the wall, for she wanted to be quite sure of keeping her grandmother near her. And the matches gave such a brilliant light that it was brighter than at noon-day: never formerly had the grandmother been so beautiful and so tall. She took the little maiden, on her arm, and both flew in brightness and in joy so high, so very high, and then above was neither cold, nor hunger, nor anxiety--they were with God.

But in the corner, at the cold hour of dawn, sat the poor girl, with rosy cheeks and with a smiling mouth, leaning against the wall--frozen to death on the last evening of the old year. Stiff and stark sat the child there with her matches, of which one bundle had been burnt. "She wanted to warm herself," people said. No one had the slightest suspicion of what beautiful things she had seen; no one even dreamed of the splendor in which, with her grandmother she had entered on the joys of a new year.

Simone Back

On Christmas Day 2010, Brighton UK woman, Simone Back, posted on her Facebook status, "Took all my pills be dead soon bye bye everyone.". Several of her 1,082 friends commented on her status but none of them called for emergency services or went to check on her personally. Some of her friends lived within walking distance of Simone's flat. Her body was discovered by police the next day.

I'm Proud of You

by Fred M. Rogers

I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you.
I hope that you're as proud as
I am proud of you,
I'm proud of you.
I hope that you are proud,
And that you're
Learning how important you are;
How important each person you see can be.
Discovering each one's specialty
Is the most important learning.

I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you.
I hope that you're as proud as I am
Proud of you,
I'm proud of you.
I hope that you are proud of you, too

Turning over a new queef

ylem

ylem (ī′ləm)

noun

in some theories of cosmogony, the primordial material substance from which all the elements are supposed to have been derived

Origin: ME < MFr ilem < ? ML hylem, acc. of hyle, matter, orig., wood < Gr hylē

Webster's New World College Dictionary Copyright © 2010 by Wiley Publishing, Inc., Cleveland, Ohio.
Used by arrangement with John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
 

y·lem (īˈləm)
noun

A form of matter hypothesized by proponents of the big bang theory to have existed before the formation of the chemical elements.

Origin: Middle English, universal matter, from Old French ilem, from Medieval Latin hȳlem, accusative of hȳlē, matter, from Greek hūlē.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 4th edition Copyright © 2010 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

WileyPlus

I want to know these people.

Ponies

By Kij Johnson

The invitation card has a Western theme. Along its margins, cartoon girls in cowboy hats chase a herd of wild Ponies. The Ponies are no taller than the girls, bright as butterflies, fat, with short round-tipped unicorn horns and small fluffy wings. At the bottom of the card, newly caught Ponies mill about in a corral. The girls have lassoed a pink-and-white Pony. Its eyes and mouth are surprised round Os. There is an exclamation mark over its head.
The little girls are cutting off its horn with curved knives. Its wings are already removed, part of a pile beside the corral.

You and your Pony ___[and Sunny’s name is handwritten here, in puffy letters]___ are invited to a cutting-out party with TheOtherGirls! If we like you, and if your Pony does okay, we’ll let you hang out with us.

Sunny says, “I can’t wait to have friends!” She reads over Barbara’s shoulder, rose-scented breath woofling through Barbara’s hair. They are in the backyard next to Sunny’s pink stable.
Barbara says, “Do you know what you want to keep?”
Sunny’s tiny wings are a blur as she hops into the air, loops, and then hovers, legs curled under her. “Oh, being able to talk, absolutely! Flying is great, but talking is way better!” She drops to the grass. “I don’t know why any Pony would keep her horn! It’s not like it does anything!”
This is the way it’s always been, as long as there have been Ponies. All ponies have wings. All Ponies have horns. All Ponies can talk. Then all Ponies go to a cutting-out party, and they give up two of the three, because that’s what has to happen if a girl is going to fit in with TheOtherGirls. Barbara’s never seen a Pony that still had her horn or wings after her cutting-out party.
Barbara sees TheOtherGirls’ Ponies peeking in the classroom windows just before recess or clustered at the bus stop after school. They’re baby pink and lavender and daffodil-yellow, with flossy manes in ringlets, and tails that curl to the ground. When not at school and cello lessons and ballet class and soccer practice and play group and the orthodontist’s, TheOtherGirls spend their days with their Ponies.

***

The party is at TopGirl’s house. She has a mother who’s a pediatrician and a father who’s a cardiologist and a small barn and giant trees shading the grass where the Ponies are playing games. Sunny walks out to them nervously. They silently touch her horn and wings with their velvet noses, and then the Ponies all trot out to the lilac barn at the bottom of the pasture, where a bale of hay has been broken open.
TopGirl meets Barbara at the fence. “That’s your Pony?” she says without greeting. “She’s not as pretty as Starblossom.”
Barbara is defensive. “She’s beautiful!” This is a misstep so she adds, “Yours is so pretty!” And TopGirl’s Pony is pretty: her tail is every shade of purple and glitters with stars. But Sunny’s tail is creamy white and shines with honey-colored light, and Barbara knows that Sunny’s the most beautiful Pony ever.
TopGirl walks away, saying over her shoulder, “There’s Rock Band in the family room and a bunch of TheOtherGirls are hanging out on the deck and Mom bought some cookies and there’s Coke Zero and diet Red Bull and diet lemonade.”
“Where are you?” Barbara asks.
“I’m outside,” TopGirl says, so Barbara gets a Crystal Light and three frosted raisin-oatmeal cookies and follows her. TheOtherGirls outside are listening to an iPod plugged into speakers and playing Wii tennis and watching the Ponies play HideAndSeek and Who’sPrettiest and ThisIsTheBestGame. They are all there, SecondGirl and SuckUpGirl and EveryoneLikesHerGirl and the rest. Barbara only speaks when she thinks she’ll get it right.
And then it’s time. TheOtherGirls and their silent Ponies collect in a ring around Barbara and Sunny. Barbara feels sick.
TopGirl says to Barbara, “What did she pick?”
Sunny looks scared but answers her directly. “I would rather talk than fly or stab things with my horn.”
TopGirl says to Barbara, “That’s what Ponies always say.” She gives Barbara a curved knife with a blade as long as a woman’s hand.
“Me?” Barbara says. “I thought someone else did it. A grown-up.”
TopGirl says, “Everyone does it for their own Pony. I did it for Starblossom.”
In silence Sunny stretches out a wing.
It’s not the way it would be, cutting a real pony. The wing comes off easily, smooth as plastic, and the blood smells like cotton candy at the fair. There’s a shiny trembling oval where the wing was, as if Barbara is cutting rose-flavored Turkish Delight in half and sees the pink under the powdered sugar. She thinks, It’s sort of pretty, and throws up.
Sunny shivers, her eyes shut tight. Barbara cuts off the second wing and lays it beside the first.
The horn is harder, like paring a real pony’s hooves. Barbara’s hand slips and she cuts Sunny, and there’s more cotton-candy blood. And then the horn lies in the grass beside the wings.
Sunny drops to her knees. Barbara throws the knife down and falls beside her, sobbing and hiccuping. She scrubs her face with the back of her hand and looks up at the circle.
Starblossom touches the knife with her nose, pushes it toward Barbara with one lilac hoof. TopGirl says, “Now the voice. You have to take away her voice.”
“But I already cut off her wings and her horn!” Barbara throws her arms around Sunny’s neck, protecting it. “Two of the three, you said!”
“That’s the cutting-out, yeah,” TopGirl says. “That’s what you do to be OneOfUs. But the Ponies pick their own friends. And that costs, too.” Starblossom tosses her violet mane. For the first time, Barbara sees that there is a scar shaped like a smile on her throat. All the Ponies have one.
“I won’t!” Barbara tells them all, but even as she cries until her face is caked with snot and tears, she knows she will, and when she’s done crying, she picks up the knife and pulls herself upright.
Sunny stands up beside her on trembling legs. She looks very small without her horn, her wings. Barbara’s hands are slippery, but she tightens her grip.
“No,” Sunny says suddenly. “Not even for this.”
Sunny spins and runs, runs for the fence in a gallop as fast and beautiful as a real pony’s; but there are more of the others, and they are bigger, and Sunny doesn’t have her wings to fly or her horn to fight. They pull her down before she can jump the fence into the woods beyond. Sunny cries out and then there is nothing, only the sound of pounding hooves from the tight circle of Ponies.
TheOtherGirls stand, frozen. Their blind faces are turned toward the Ponies.
The Ponies break their circle, trot away. There is no sign of Sunny, beyond a spray of cotton-candy blood and a coil of her glowing mane torn free and fading as it falls to the grass.
Into the silence TopGirl says, “Cookies?” She sounds fragile and false. TheOtherGirls crowd into the house, chattering in equally artificial voices. They start up a game, drink more Diet Coke.
Barbara stumbles after them into the family room. “What are you playing?” she says, uncertainly.
“Why are you here?” FirstGirl says, as if noticing her for the first time. “You’re not OneOfUs.”
TheOtherGirls nod. “You don’t have a pony.”

Madalyn Murray O'Hair

"Please: somebody, somewhere, love me."

Love,

You

I'm high

I can't help you

ANNA QUINDLEN'S

COMMENCEMENT SPEECH
MOUNT HOLYOKE COLLEGE
MAY 23, 1999 

I look at all of you today and I cannot help but see myself twenty-five years ago, at my own Barnard commencement. I sometimes seem, in my mind, to have as much in common with that girl as I do with any stranger I might pass in the doorway of a Starbucks or in the aisle of an airplane. I cannot remember what she wore or how she felt that day. But I can tell you this about her without question: she was perfect.
Let me be very clear what I mean by that. I mean that I got up every day and tried to be perfect in every possible way. If there was a test to be had, I had studied for it; if there was a paper to be written, it was done. I smiled at everyone in the dorm hallways, because it was important to be friendly, and I made fun of them behind their backs because it was important to be witty. And I worked as a residence counselor and sat on housing council. If anyone had ever stopped and asked me why I did those things--well, I'm not sure what I would have said. But I can tell you, today, that I did them to be perfect, in every possible way.
Being perfect was hard work, and the hell of it was, the rules of it changed. So that while I arrived at college in 1970 with a trunk full of perfect pleated kilts and perfect monogrammed sweaters, by Christmas vacation I had another perfect uniform: overalls, turtlenecks, Doc Martens, and the perfect New York City Barnard College affect--part hyperintellectual, part ennui. This was very hard work indeed. I had read neither Sartre nor Sappho, and the closest I ever came to being bored and above it all was falling asleep. Finally, it was harder to become perfect because I realized, at Barnard, that I was not the smartest girl in the world. Eventually being perfect day after day, year after year, became like always carrying a backpack filled with bricks on my back. And oh, how I secretly longed to lay my burden down.
So what I want to say to you today is this: if this sounds, in any way, familiar to you, if you have been trying to be perfect in one way or another, too, then make today, when for a moment there are no more grades to be gotten, classmates to be met, terrain to be scouted, positioning to be arranged--make today the day to put down the backpack. Trying to be perfect may be sort of inevitable for people like us, who are smart and ambitious and interested in the world and in its good opinion. But at one level it's too hard, and at another, it's too cheap and easy. Because it really requires you mainly to read the zeitgeist of wherever and whenever you happen to be, and to assume the masks necessary to be the best of whatever the zeitgeist dictates or requires. Those requirements shapeshift, sure, but when you're clever you can read them and do the imitation required.
But nothing important, or meaningful, or beautiful, or interesting, or great ever came out of imitations. The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.
This is more difficult, because there is no zeitgeist to read, no template to follow, no mask to wear. Set aside what your friends expect, what your parents demand, what your acquaintances require. Set aside the messages this culture sends, through its advertising, its entertainment, its disdain and its disapproval, about how you should behave.
Set aside the old traditional notion of female as nurturer and male as leader; set aside, too, the new traditional notions of female as superwoman and male as oppressor. Begin with that most terrifying of all things, a clean slate. Then look, every day, at the choices you are making, and when you ask yourself why you are making them, find this answer: for me, for me. Because they are who and what I am, and mean to be.
This is the hard work of your life in the world, to make it all up as you go along, to acknowledge the introvert, the clown, the artist, the reserved, the distraught, the goofball, the thinker. You will have to bend all your will not to march to the music that all of those great "theys" out there pipe on their flutes. They want you to go to professional school, to wear khakis, to pierce your navel, to bare your soul. These are the fashionable ways. The music is tinny, if you listen close enough. Look inside. That way lies dancing to the melodies spun out by your own heart. This is a symphony. All the rest are jingles.
This will always be your struggle whether you are twenty-one or fifty-one. I know this from experience. When I quit the New York Timesto be a full-time mother, the voices of the world said that I was nuts. When I quit it again to be a full-time novelist, they said I was nuts again. But I am not nuts. I am happy. I am successful on my own terms. Because if your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all. Remember the words of Lily Tomlin: If you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
Look at your fingers. Hold them in front of your face. Each one is crowned by an abstract design that is completely different than those of anyone in this crowd, in this country, in this world. They are a metaphor for you. Each of you is as different as your fingerprints. Why in the world should you march to any lockstep?
The lockstep is easier, but here is why you cannot march to it. Because nothing great or even good ever came of it. When young writers write to me about following in the footsteps of those of us who string together nouns and verbs for a living, I tell them this: every story has already been told. Once you've read Anna Karenina, Bleak House, The Sound and the Fury, To Kill a Mockingbirdand A Wrinkle in Time,you understand that there is really no reason to ever write another novel. Except that each writer brings to the table, if she will let herself, something that no one else in the history of time has ever had. And that is herself, her own personality, her own voice. If she is doing Faulkner imitations, she can stay home. If she is giving readers what she thinks they want instead of what she is, she should stop typing.
But if her books reflect her character, who she really is, then she is giving them a new and wonderful gift. Giving it to herself, too.
And that is true of music and art and teaching and medicine. Someone sent me a T-shirt not long ago that read "Well-Behaved Women Don't Make History." They don't make good lawyers, either, or doctors or businesswomen. Imitations are redundant. Yourself is what is wanted.
You already know this. I just need to remind you. Think back. Think back to first or second grade, when you could still hear the sound of your own voice in your head, when you were too young, too unformed, too fantastic to understand that you were supposed to take on the protective coloration of the expectations of those around you. Think of what the writer Catherine Drinker Bowen once wrote, more than half a century ago: "Many a man who has known himself at ten forgets himself utterly between ten and thirty." Many a woman, too.
You are not alone in this. We parents have forgotten our way sometimes, too. I say this as the deeply committed, often flawed mother of three. When you were first born, each of you, our great glory was in thinking you absolutely distinct from every baby who had ever been born before. You were a miracle of singularity, and we knew it in every fiber of our being.
But we are only human, and being a parent is a very difficult job, more difficult than any other, because it requires the shaping of other people, which is an act of extraordinary hubris. Over the years we learned to want for you things that you did not want for yourself. We learned to want the lead in the play, the acceptance to our own college, the straight and narrow path that often leads absolutely nowhere. Sometimes we wanted those things because we were convinced it would make life better, or at least easier for you. Sometimes we had a hard time distinguishing between where you ended and we began.
So that another reason that you must give up on being perfect and take hold of being yourself is because sometime, in the distant future, you may want to be parents, too. If you can bring to your children the self that you truly are, as opposed to some amalgam of manners and mannerisms, expectations and fears that you have acquired as a carapace along the way, you will give them, too, a great gift. You will teach them by example not to be terrorized by the narrow and parsimonious expectations of the world, a world that often likes to color within the lines when a spray of paint, a scrawl of crayon, is what is truly wanted.
Remember yourself, from the days when you were younger and rougher and wilder, more scrawl than straight line. Remember all of yourself, the flaws and faults as well as the many strengths. Carl Jung once said, "If people can be educated to see the lowly side of their own natures, it may be hoped that they will also learn to understand and to love their fellow men better. A little less hypocrisy and a little more tolerance toward oneself can only have good results in respect for our neighbors, for we are all too prone to transfer to our fellows the injustice and violence we inflict upon our own natures."
Most commencement speeches suggest you take up something or other: the challenge of the future, a vision of the twenty-first century. Instead I'd like you to give up. Give up the backpack. Give up the nonsensical and punishing quest for perfection that dogs too many of us through too much of our lives. It is a quest that causes us to doubt and denigrate ourselves, our true selves, our quirks and foibles and great leaps into the unknown, and that is bad enough.

But this is worse: that someday, sometime, you will be somewhere, maybe on a day like today--a berm overlooking a pond in Vermont, the lip of the Grand Canyon at sunset. Maybe something bad will have happened: you will have lost someone you loved, or failed at something you wanted to succeed at very much.

And sitting there, you will fall into the center of yourself. You will look for that core to sustain you. If you have been perfect all your life, and have managed to meet all the expectations of your family, your friends, your community, your society, chances are excellent that there will be a black hole where your core ought to be.

Don't take that chance. Begin to say no to the Greek chorus that thinks it knows the parameters of a happy life when all it knows is the homogenization of human experience. Listen to that small voice from inside you, that tells you to go another way. George Eliot wrote, "It is never too late to be what you might have been." It is never too early, either. And it will make all the difference in the world. Take it from someone who has left the backpack full of bricks far behind. Every day feels light as a feather.


###

Big wheel keep on turning

Proud Mary keep on burning,
Rolling, rolling, rolling on the river.

nonne quicquam sanctum est?

“I have seen wicked men and fools, a great many of both, and I believe they both get paid in the end, but the fools first.”
    - Robert Louis Stevenson

"When one man, for whatever reason, has the opportunity to lead an extraordinary life, he has no right to keep it to himself."
   - Jacques-Yves Cousteau

I applied at American Apparel

but WHATEVER.

Ashley is five years old.

Last Monday at the after-school program where I work, Ashley stuck a straightened paper clip into a wall socket. You hear about kids doing this all the time. A little shock and they never do it again. Ashley will assuredly never do this again.

I don't know what weird combination of factors came together at just the wrong moment. None of us know exactly what happened. I didn't see it, but about 40 subsequently very freaked-out kids did. They told me various versions of the story, each more grisly than the last. As it turns out, none of them were exaggerating. The adults who were supervising that room at the time (it's a big room, and they can't be everywhere at once) told me that three jets of fire burst out of the wall, knocking Ashley back about ten feet.



The carpet was burned down to bare concrete in three spots, including a charred coil shaped like the unbent end of the paper clip. Before she dropped it, it burned an identical coil onto the side of Ashley's index finger.

Her hand was blackened and bloody. Her fingers were described to me (when I tell people this story, I cannot bring myself to say this out loud.) as being split open like a hotdog that's been in the microwave for too long. They said you could see things inside, like tendons, and bone.

The woman who wrapped up Ashley's hand, and put ice on it, and sat with her until we could get the mom on the phone to verbally ok our driving her child to the emergency room (the legal hoops we have to jump through in situations like this are unbelievable) - that woman, my co-worker, fainted while telling me this story. She's good in a crisis but blood freaks her out. When she came to, she cried.



Ashley's mom is an alcoholic. Divorced. Full custody. ("Please call my daddy. My daddy will come and take care of me.") She works from home and lives three minutes from the school, but does not pick Ashley up when school lets out at 2 - rather, she waits until 6:30, when the after-school program is ready to lock its doors. Ashley is always the last child to leave. Mom stomps in the door and growls, "Where's the little bitch?" They go home and Ashley is put to bed at 7 pm. She might get dinner and she might not.

Some of this information comes from Ashley, and kids exaggerate, but her father has confirmed that it is true. I have only spoken with him once. I told him he had a sweet kid (I did not mention how sad and scared she looks all the time. he knows.) and his eyes filled with tears and he touched me on the shoulder and he told me how hard he is fighting to get custody. He told me how much he misses her. Every day.



She didn't come back to school for days and days, and I was thinking, dude, even if they chop off your arm, you'd be back to school in a week, right? Unless. Unless your cunt of a mother gets pissed at you for being a kid and doing kid things, and she beats the shit out of you, or knocks you down the stairs, or breaks your arm, or punches you in the face and is ashamed to let the world see the black eye? A lot of things could happen. Every day: no Ashley. None of her friends have seen her. We call their house and the line's been disconnected. What do you do? I mean, really, what are you supposed to do?




Today, the kids are shuttling over from the school building to our building, and they're lining up to get signed in, and I'm checking their names off the list. And I look up and there she is. And she's grabbing Emma's butt with her good hand and Emma is sick of it and she is hollering QUIT IT, and Ashley is shrieking and I have to threaten to separate them, and I've never been happier.




Later, she lets me look at her hand. I'm no doctor but my verdict is: miracle. She says it hurts, and I think, Good, that means those parts are still hooked up right. I had been thinking amputation all week, but, no. It still looks pretty bad - vicious purple slashes on her index, middle, and thumb. But there is no black flesh, or disfigurement, or stumps. She will have scars - that coil, burned into the side of her finger, will always be there, I imagine.


I ask her if she got in trouble for what she did. She says her mom wasn't mad, only disappointed. Which probably amounts to a massive guilt trip laid on the poor kid. "Verbal abuse" is such a poor phrase for words that can ruin a kid's chances, from the start, of seeing herself as anything other than useless and in the way.


Then again, Ashley says her mom told her about when she was little, and she got a bad shock from an exposed wire. And she says that when they got home from the hospital, they watched a video and had ice cream. I know it is too much to expect that one bad accident could completely reverse this hateful woman's attitude toward her daughter, a lifetime (five years.) of disregard and cruelty. But then again people change all the time, and something has to start it. Right? Can I hope for that? This little, little kid doesn't want to tell me about how much her fingers hurt, she wants to tell me about how great it was to snuggle with her mom on the couch that night, watching 101 Dalmatians. She's shining up at me. She's so happy. Can I keep hoping for more of this? How can I not?

---

update: Today I happened to be in the lobby when Ashley's mother came to pick her up. I've never talked to her very much; she scares me. I made my face as innocent as all get out and I said, Hey, we were all so glad when we heard Ashley was all right.

I've never seen tears well up in anybody's eyes so fast. She said she was on the interstate when her cellphone rang, and they told her what was going on, and she had to pull over to throw up. "I mean, I just - " She closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead with her fist.

"I was so scared. You know?"

Yeah, I think. I know. And I think, you keep that taste in your mouth. You think about it. This might end up ok.

---

update, even better: Ashley's dad won full custody. She told me with a gigantic grin. "I get to go live with my daddy!"

I won't be seeing her any more - dad lives far away - which is fine. Ashley says her mom "has to go back to the hospital." I don't know if that means rehab or what, but it has to be a step in the right direction.

Omegle

You: Hello

Stranger: hiya

You: Mmm?

Stranger: how are you today?

Stranger: mmmm what?

You: I was just waiting to see what you were typing.

You: How are youuu doing?

Stranger: lol im ok tired but good... yourself?

You: I'm alright. Why are you tired?

Stranger: didnt get much sleep last night and ive been doing housework all morning

You: Yuck.

You: I live with three guys right now and I can't be bothered to clean up after them, haha.

Stranger: I live with 3 guys and i hate it but if i don't do it it never gets done and i hate living in a pigsty

You: That's why I make an event out of it. My roommates are gonna go party in a bit so I'm planning on drinking a few shots of rum and making this place look nice for the first time in a month.

You: Maybe you should try that. Probably after you get some sleep though.

Stranger: lol screw the sleep... i'll end up snoozing all day lol i might do that though have a few and then pump the music and clean lol

You: Hahaha! You go to school?

Stranger: Nah i work.. you?

You: I'm still just a student.

You: How come you live with three guys?

Stranger: i live with my boyfriend, his brother and his brothers boyfriend .... how old are you if you still go to school ?

You: I'm turning 20 this summer.

You: You're a girl? I feel really bad for you then.

Stranger: Lol you're a guy i take it?

You: Mm-hmm.

Stranger: Actually a guy picking up after 3 guys is worse...it's in my DNA apparently to be a maid is a womans job lmao

You: It's the same thing, though. I can't live in a pigsty for too long.

You: I just keep hearing my mom saying, "Clean this mess up."

Stranger: hahaha... it's funny how you never stop hearing that no matter how old you are lol

You: Haha, yeah I guess so.

Stranger: So you're from USA i'm guessing?

You: Yes. You're not?

You: Also, what brings you to Omegle?

Stranger: No i am not American.. I was bored of Housework and wanted a break. What about yourself?

You: I like hearing people's stories, and I think being on the internet allows people to be either really honest or really funny.

You: Also, I don't want to do my homework yet.

Stranger: hahaha well i can relate to the 2nd reason

Stranger: it's true more people open up when they're not face to face with you

You: Plus, it's strangers! Something about someone being a stranger makes it easier to tell them your secrets, don't you think?

Stranger: Yes it kind of is easier to say it to someone i don't know.... So in saying that.... Have you got any deep dark secrets you want to share with a Stranger lol

You: Actually, I wanted to ask you if you'd tell me a story? I wanted to hear about the last time you felt lonely, and what it was like.

Stranger: The last time i felt lonely huh??? that's not a very good story i feel lonely alot lately

You: Then tell me about that.

You: (For what it's worth, I've been feeling really lonely, too).

Stranger: Why have you been feeling lonely... you sound like you've got alot of friends??

You: No fair, I asked first!

Stranger: Awww come on.... i'm not good at talking about me ;)

You: Those are usually the people with the best stories, though.

Stranger: Well what do you want to hear really?

You: We don't have to talk about feeling lonely. Instead, tell me about when you feel the least lonely.

Stranger: Well i suppose that would be when i'm with my boyfriend, Usually in bed before he goes to sleep. or when we're doing things together without any other girl around so i know he focuses on me

Stranger: i know i sound selfish but that's just me

Stranger: What about you?

You: That's not selfish! That shows how much you value his attention.

Stranger: Well he and others see it as selfish and find it weird that i want his attention

You: I wonder why. You don't sound like you're clingy or too needy.

Stranger: Well they see it as though i am... i'm just in love i suppose

Stranger: So i've told you mine now tell me yours... lol

You: I have a few really good friends. And when I'm with them, it's like I don't need anything else.

You: I love them. You said you were in love, too. Does that mean you love your boyfriend?

You: What is love to you?

Stranger: it's hard to put the meaning of love into words.... But i suppose to me love is an undying want to be with the person you're with, a need to know what they

Stranger: want or need and helping them get it

Stranger: but like i said it's hard to put it into words without it sounding weird

You: That doesn't sound weird at all. Is it like wanting them to be the happiest they can be because that makes you happy, too? Or is that not it at all?

Stranger: That's it... you've summed it up for me... i could never have put it so well

You: But what about you?

You: I mean

You: I don't know what I mean, haha.

Stranger: Lol Well since you don't know what you mean how about we change the subject to....... When was the last time you were in love?

You: I really like that question. But I don't think I've ever been in love. Not yet. Love and "in love" or different things to me, though. Is it the same for you?

Stranger: Yes it's the same.... there is a major difference.

Stranger: Well how about, When was the last time you had fun?

You: Wait, wait--what's the difference for you?

You: Between love and in love?

You: I'm actually trying to write a letter to my friend about that, but I don't know what to say.

Stranger: Well being in love is like what you said before being in love is wanting the other person to be happy no matter what and living to be with them and just love is liking the company of a person, spending time with them where you're the happiest you've been in ages, i'm not too good with words when describing my side of things at times

You: Do you think one is truer? Or more honest?

You: What you said makes a lot of sense, by the way.

Stranger: You know i don't know how to answer that question you've stumped me

You: You said you were in love with your boyfriend. But do you love him?

Stranger: i do actually, i love him more than anything in the world he is the first person in my life that i have truly, honestly and unconditionally loved

You: Do you know if he loves you the same way?

Stranger: Well it's nothing for him to say it becasue any one can say it, but the things he does kind of proves that it might be the case

You: Things like what?

Stranger: well i'll give you an example,

Stranger: Last year his family started hating me and decided to make up lies about me and assault me, he could have listened to them and left me but he didn't he stayed an has suppourted me throught the court cases against them. and i didn't ask him to choose his parents did and he still chose me

You: Oh, man. What were they saying about you? Why would they hate you?

Stranger: His little brother accused me of stealing his credit card, and using it for lesbian websites (i'm bisexual) when it was proven that he was wrong and that he used it and blamed it on me his whole family turned on me, They were calling me so many names that i hate to repeat

Stranger: Bf's little bro hit me in the head pushed a door onto my head and knocked me out, and then he decided to kick me in my private areas causing some damage

Stranger: and he still wasn't charged with assault

You: That's terrible!

Stranger: Yeah i couldn't walk outside my door for 2 months after it but i've gotten over it and moved on

You: And your boyfriend stayed with you. I think you're right, he really must love you.

You: I'm sorry you had to go through that, though.

Stranger: Yeah he stayed an put up with my depression... i had a bad childhood so i got used to it years ago

Stranger: i still sit here with a smile on my face that even though his family hates me he loves me and would die for me

You: You're not depressed anymore, are you? I've been doing a lot of reading about depression lately.

Stranger: No i do get bouts of depression every now and then but it's very rare lol

You: If I ask you what it's like, and if you talk about it, will it make it worse for you? I'm afraid that I might be depressed, but I don't know if I'm just saying that to have an excuse.

Stranger: it won't make it worse at all.. Why do you think you're depressed?

You: I don't see a point to living anymore. And I don't mean I'm suicidal, rather, I just can't care about the things I should anymore.

You: Although I'm a lot better now that I was last year.

Stranger: Well from someone who has tried to commit suicide twice you sound like you're just over it all.... You must have alot that's been stressing you out to be feeling that.

You: Not really. I just feel lonely. How do you know when another bout of depression is coming on?

Stranger: Well i don't feeli like making any effort, i don't feel like cleaning up, or going out, i don't Want to talk or listen and i get fed up with people who tell me their problems and stuff

You: What starts it? Or does it just happen slowly?

Stranger: usually it's something someone says that starts me off angry and then goes into a depression it happens relatively quickly with me but i have been diagnosed with manic depression and i am ADD so it makes it worse

You: What makes it so bad that it drives you to consider suicide? I've only been that far down once, and even then it wasn't a serious attempt.

Stranger: my first attempt was when my mum had deserted me to be with a man, i was left to take care of an elderly woman who was dependant on me, i was 16, had been raped by my then boyfriend, and had been blamed for things that weren't my fault i just felt that the world was against me

You: You've been through a lot, haven't you?

Stranger: yeah and that was the start of my chronic depression

You: It makes me wonder what kind of person you really are.

You: You sound very strong.

Stranger: you have to be in this society us Aussies are resilient

You: I believe it. Probably a lot more resilient than most Americans.

Stranger: lol debatable at times

You: Haha, yeah, I guess so! Why do you say "you have to be in this society", though?

Stranger: The way things are theses days compared to say 10 years ago it's a higher pressure society in which you can't fail

You: What happens if you fail

Stranger: People criticise you for what you're doing worng and don't see the outside influences that add stress to your life

You: What if you just don't care?

Stranger: Well those people will eventually go away i suppose.... i wouldn't know i took myself out of the way of criticism ages ago so i didn't go crazy

Stranger: I've kinda got to go have a shower but i really like talking to you.... so you can either wait for me here or email me and we can continue this discussion later on my email is ashleighbullpitt@yahoo.com.au

You: Haha, I think I'm gonna go drink some rum and clean this pigsty, but thanks for talking with me.

You: I'll save for your e-mail for sometime in the future, but for now, have a great day.

Stranger: You too good luck with the cleaning

You: Thanks.

SMS text

I was awoken today by a text message -- he was looking for someone who sat next to him and told him about their ex and how they had been "kid naped" (sic).

The funny thing is, I wasn't sure it wasn't me he was looking for.

Oh yeah so like

I thought I was going to say something really profound but you know what nevermind. Btdubz, blog, I'm gonna show a lot of you to Book, 'kay? Kool beans, brobrah.

MORTAL KOMBATTTTT!!1111!

Duh duh duh dun dun dun dundundun duh duh duh duh dunudndunundunun

 FIINISH HIM

FATALITY

BA 3311

"My life experiences are better--I mean different--than yours."

I don't believe in eggplant

Your love

Should never be offered to the mouth of a
Stranger,
Only to someone
Who has the valor and daring
...To cut pieces of their soul off with a knife
Then weave them into a blanket
To protect you.
-Hafiz

A POEM

dear god
mind is blown
just like my head
struggling to sleep, gotta get outta bed
dont you know you're so smooth
...like peanut butter and nuttella
i slept with your wife
just please dont tell her

Words to comfort someone grieving

DO SAY:

• I am sorry

• Tell me how I can help; I want to be here for you.

• ___________ was a good person and friend of mine. I will miss him or her.

• Would you like a hug?

• Please tell me what you are feeling right now, I have never been through something like this and can only imagine.

• It's ok if you do not feel like talking right now. Just know that I am here to listen whenever you are ready.

• “I love you” (if you are close enough)

• talk openly and directly about the person who died

DON’T SAY:

• "I know how you feel." Truthfully, you don’t know how they feel no one does whether you have been through a loss before or not! Don’t be surprised if the turn around and scream, “YOU don’t know how I feel, no one knows how bad I feel!”

• “You should...” or “Time heals all wounds.” offering advice or quick solutions just ends up frustrating and upsetting the grieving person.

• “At least he’s no longer in pain.” or “She’s in a better place now.” Or “It was God’s timing/will.” Trying to cheer the person up or distract from the emotional intensity only helps to prolong the grieving process and may even alienate them from you.

•  “Oh, it’s not that bad.” Or “You’ll be ok.” Or “Things will go back to normal before you know it.” Or “It will get better." Grieving people know this intellectually, but in their heart, they may feel so lost and alone. These statements tend to minimize the loss and could upset the grieving person and they may even feel frustrated and angry with you.

• "Just call me if there is anything I can do." In the midst of grief, you just can’t think straight and you have no idea what you need. It’s up to you to call and if the grieving person does not want to speak with anyone, he or she will not answer the phone. If they don’t answer, the phone just leave a supportive message and let them know you are thinking about them

• "Don't cry." It is uncomfortable and painful to see someone you care about cry but telling him or her not to cry only prolongs the process and does not support the natural grieving process that needs to occur.