9.30.2010
Dead Bart
You know how Fox has a weird way of counting Simpsons episodes? They refuse to count a couple of them, making the amount of episodes inconsistent. The reason for this is a lost episode from season 1.
Finding details about this missing episode is difficult, no one who was working on the show at the time likes to talk about it. From what has been pieced together, the lost episode was written entirely by Matt Groening. During production of the first season, Matt started to act strangely. He was very quiet, seemed nervous and morbid. Mentioning this to anyone who was present results in them getting very angry, and forbidding you to ever mention it to Matt. I first heard of it at an event where David Silverman was speaking. Someone in the crowd asked about the episode, and Silverman simply left the stage, ending the presentation hours early. The episode's production number was 7G06, the title was Dead Bart. The episode labeled 7G06, Moaning Lisa, was made later and given Dead Bart's production code to hide the latter's existence.
In addition to getting angry, asking anyone who was on the show about this will cause them to do everything they can to stop you from directly communicating with Matt Groening. At a fan event, I managed to follow him after he spoke to the crowd, and eventually had a chance to talk to him alone as he was leaving the building. He didn't seem upset that I had followed him, probably expected a typical encounter with an obsessive fan. When I mentioned the lost episode though, all color drained from his face and he started trembling. When I asked him if he could tell me any details, he sounded like he was on the verge of tears. He grabbed a piece of paper, wrote something on it, and handed it to me. He begged me never to mention the episode again. The piece of paper had a website address on it, I would rather not say what it was, for reasons you'll see in a second. I entered the address into my browser, and I came to a site that was completely black, except for a line of yellow text, a download link. I clicked on it, and a file started downloading. Once the file was downloaded, my computer went crazy, it was the worst virus I had ever seen. System restore didn't work, the entire computer had to be rebooted. Before doing this though, I copied the file onto a CD. I tried to open it on my now empty computer, and as I suspected, there was an episode of The Simpsons on it.
The episode started off like any other episode, but had very poor quality animation. If you've seen the original animation for Some Enchanted Evening, it was similar, but less stable. The first act was fairly normal, but the way the characters acted was a little off. Homer seemed angrier, Marge seemed depressed, Lisa seemed anxious, Bart seemed to have genuine anger and hatred for his parents.
The episode was about the Simpsons going on a plane trip, near the end of the first act, the plane was taking off. Bart was fooling around, as you'd expect. However, as the plane was about 50 feet off the ground, Bart broke a window on the plane and was sucked out.
At the beginning of the series, Matt had an idea that the animated style of the Simpsons' world represented life, and that death turned things more realistic. This was used in this episode. The picture of Bart's corpse was barely recognizable, they took full advantage of it not having to move, and made an almost photo-realistic drawing of his dead body.
Act one ended with the shot of Bart's corpse. When act two started, Homer, Marge, and Lisa were sitting at their table, crying. The crying went on and on, it got more pained, and sounded more realistic, better acting than you would think possible. The animation started to decay even more as they cried, and you could hear murmuring in the background. The characters could barely be made out, they were stretching and blurring, they looked like deformed shadows with random bright colors thrown on them. There were faces looking in the window, flashing in and out so you were never sure what they looked like. This crying went on for all of act two.
Act three opened with a title card saying one year had passed. Homer, Marge, and Lisa were skeletally thin, and still sitting at the table. There was no sign of Maggie or the pets.
They decided to visit Bart's grave. Springfield was completely deserted, and as they walked to the cemetery the houses became more and more decrepit. They all looked abandoned. When they got to the grave, Bart's body was just lying in front of his tombstone, looking just like it did at the end of act one.
The family started crying again. Eventually they stopped, and just stared at Bart's body. The camera zoomed in on Homer's face. According to summaries, Homer tells a joke at this part, but it isn't audible in the version I saw, you can't tell what Homer is saying.
The view zoomed out as the episode came to a close. The tombstones in the background had the names of every Simpsons guest star on them. Some that no one had heard of in 1989, some that haven't been on the show yet. All of them had death dates on them. For guests who died since, like Michael Jackson and George Harrison, the dates were when they would die. The credits were completely silent, and seemed handwritten. The final image was the Simpson family on their couch, like in the intros, but all drawn in hyper realistic, lifeless style of Bart's corpse.
A thought occurred to me after seeing the episode for the first time, you could try to use the tombstones to predict the death of living Simpsons guest stars, but there's something odd about most of the ones who haven't died yet. All of their deaths are listed as the same date.
9.29.2010
Proverbs 8:11
For wisdom is better than rubies; and all the things that may be desired are not to be compared unto her.
9.28.2010
9.26.2010
A growing list of favorite movies
Amelie
Anastasia
Batman Begins, Dark Knight
The Brave One
Bridge to Terabithia
Bourne series
Corrina, Corrina
Coraline
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Dummy
The Exorcist
El Cid (1961)
Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Fifth Element
Hot Fuzz
Juno
Jumanji
Kill Bill Vol. 1, Vol. 2
The Last Unicorn
Matilda
The Mexican
Misery
Pan's Labyrinth
Pulp Fiction
Resident Evil
Rushmore
Shaun of the Dead
Silence of the Lambs
Silent Hill
Skeleton Key
Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story
Sweeney Todd
V for Vendetta
Zoolander
Iron Giant
Y Tu Mama Tambien
Up
Anastasia
Batman Begins, Dark Knight
The Brave One
Bridge to Terabithia
Bourne series
Corrina, Corrina
Coraline
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Dummy
The Exorcist
El Cid (1961)
Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Fifth Element
Hot Fuzz
Juno
Jumanji
Kill Bill Vol. 1, Vol. 2
The Last Unicorn
Matilda
The Mexican
Misery
Pan's Labyrinth
Pulp Fiction
Resident Evil
Rushmore
Shaun of the Dead
Silence of the Lambs
Silent Hill
Skeleton Key
Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story
Sweeney Todd
V for Vendetta
Zoolander
Iron Giant
Y Tu Mama Tambien
Up
9.21.2010
9.15.2010
9.14.2010
9.13.2010
Fuck.
For the first time in my life, everything makes too much sense. I can't be who I want to be anymore. Everything is all fine, actually, way better than fine; partying, not worrying about how the world looks at you. But unfortunately, they world has all the money, and all I have are a couple of quarters and a broken car and broken dreams and a broken heart.
So I have decided that I am going to join them. I have decided that I'm going to grow up.
God, I hate to say it, but my uncle was right: "You can't be broke and happy--not in this time period, not in this country."
It's time for another epiphany. It's time to make some major change.
My dreams are going to have to hold on for a little bit, because the real world isn't waiting on them to come true. The real world sure isn't wating for me, either. I'm actually running trying to catch up with it, like I missed a train or something. I want to stop running after it.
I want to be on that train.
So I have decided that I am going to join them. I have decided that I'm going to grow up.
God, I hate to say it, but my uncle was right: "You can't be broke and happy--not in this time period, not in this country."
It's time for another epiphany. It's time to make some major change.
My dreams are going to have to hold on for a little bit, because the real world isn't waiting on them to come true. The real world sure isn't wating for me, either. I'm actually running trying to catch up with it, like I missed a train or something. I want to stop running after it.
I want to be on that train.
9.12.2010
4:25pm:
Realized how strange it is that we always are looking for "something to do". Riding a bike, taking a drug, going to a movie, etc...., never content to just "be" right here. Found the present moment interesting and not boring.
9.10.2010
I pretend I don't notice.
I pretend I pretend I'm not pretending.
That nothing has happened.
That I can hear the clock still
ticking.
That nothing has happened.
That I can hear the clock still
ticking.
9.09.2010
9.08.2010
That moment
when it's been raining all day and you hear it pounding on the roof of your car but then you drive under an overpass and enjoy a second-or-two-long reprieve of silence from it all.
9.07.2010
There once was a rapping tomato
That's right, I said "rapping tomato."
He rapped all day, from April to May
And also, guess what, it was me.
He rapped all day, from April to May
And also, guess what, it was me.
9.06.2010
Did you know...
that turtles can breathe through their butts? MMMMMMMMmmmmmmm, DICK. And if you don't knowwwww, now you knowww, NIGGUH. Vineggaaaaa... Hey, pretty lady. --> I love youuuuuuuuuu On a scale from one to David Hasselhof how drunk am I? Nooo, nooooo, meeser superman is no here...no.... In, and around my mouth (but mostly in). Sure as smoked meat!!! THE FOUNTAIN OF BUENO Pen 15 island, Menis Land. Get theeeee FUCK out. I'd like my snowcone sans bees luvvv youu~~~~~ (bear) Knock Knock -- it's your best friend, and I'll always be there for you I'M GONNA ROLL IN THE BACKSEAT LIKE THIS Let's go tanning! and then we never went tanning MEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII Where's the Lizard Lounge wait wait wait TURN LEFT no it's a one way street agahhara HEY THERE IT IS Oh wait no no no it's oh LIZARD LOUNGE NO you missed the TURN! Datsik is siiiick KILGOROUND SO KOOL AID No I just got a copter hat actually THAT'S A LEGIT
Addendum: Jamba Juice, Freudian Panther Slips, From Paris with Herpes, He needs a Highlander, EVERY ACTS SO SERIOUS, how am I gonna show that cowboy I'm alive?
Addendum: Jamba Juice, Freudian Panther Slips, From Paris with Herpes, He needs a Highlander, EVERY ACTS SO SERIOUS, how am I gonna show that cowboy I'm alive?
9.03.2010
Home
Is where the heart is and where I want to be but I'm not sure I'll be able to go there now.
I hope I can.
I need to.
I hope I can.
I need to.
9.01.2010
Well, sh--obviously
We have a ra-pist, in Lincoln Park. He's climb-in' in your windows, he's snatch-in' your people up, trynna rape 'em so y'all need to
hide your kids,
hide your wife, and
hide your husband 'cause they rapin' errbody out here.
We got your T-shirt, you don' left fingerprints and all, you are so dumb! You are really dumb! Fo real.
You don't have to come, and confess that you did it. We're lookin' for you, we--we gon' find you, I'm lettin' you know that. So you can run and tell that.
Home boy.
hide your kids,
hide your wife, and
hide your husband 'cause they rapin' errbody out here.
We got your T-shirt, you don' left fingerprints and all, you are so dumb! You are really dumb! Fo real.
You don't have to come, and confess that you did it. We're lookin' for you, we--we gon' find you, I'm lettin' you know that. So you can run and tell that.
Home boy.
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