There was once

this man I knew.
One day He was walking through the forest and He stumbled upon a large amount of hallucinogens and decided 'cause He was..extremely clever that he would take all those hallucinogens to see what secrets

would
unfold
to Him

but He did not realize that He was secretly allergic to happiness so He started tripping balls. And soon realized that he was turning into an octopus and he realized he could have sex with eight women at once! and He used his power of OCTOSEX to become the biggest P.I.M.P in all the ocean but...

Soon karma struck him back; karma bit him; karma is a bitch; and he soon realized that he attracted Octo-AIDS and all of his babies turned out to be crackhead Disney moviestars.


And thus Lindsay Lohan was born.