Amalgamation

When you start dating someone, in the beginning it's hard to feel anything. It's a stranger reaching out for your hand. You have to avoid staring at the stranger despite the lust you feel for them; you don't know anything about them except that it's something new and exciting.. On each date, both the stranger and you will be slightly on edge. There are still names, places, stories, events to learn, boundaries to be tested. Hopes and fears spill out over the coming months until you feel as if you are a living each others lives. There is a point where you feel as if you have known the other forever, dreams from past lives together. You know the stranger, you are the stranger, the stranger is no more.

Then, slight fear comes spilling out. It's never overwhelming, but it's like the wallpaper in the attic is slowly peeling away. Every time you see a scrap turning yellow and curling away, you desperately try to flatten it out, get it to stick again. It never holds as well as it did the first time, but you try not to notice it. When you love someone, you are truly fucked. When you love someone, you transition from bones to skin. Organs start forming and skin starts growing. Eventually, you are whole (except for that little piece of peeling wallpaper (fuck why won't it stay). Snowflakes fall from the sky, you skip town for a weekend, do some drugs together, wake up unable to separate your bodies from each other in a hotel somewhere, the snowflakes still keep tumbling outside your window. There will always be secrets, little secrets, that run around when you're not here. Then, we start acting out. So if you see us acting out, you should know that hands and knees are knelt down and scraped, bone replaced skin. I once was a skeleton, I know I'll become a skeleton again. There's the door. When someone loves you very much, you're fucked.