7.26.2009
Thank you, Popcorn Guy
One day while I was working at a movie theater, I was purely enraged and stressed because it was Thanksgiving and stupid people go to movies on Thanksgiving in fucking hordes. I wanted to put a bullet in either my head or someone else's--anything to make it all stop. Just when I feel like I am about to hit the breaking point and quit this guy comes up and lifts his little kid up to eye level with me and then tells me his daughter spent all morning writing a letter for the popcorn guy. She reached out, handed it to me, inside was a drawing of a stickman with popcorn and it said "thank you popcorn guy". That moment instantly made my horrible workday into one of the most memorable ones.
7.24.2009
"What, if some day or night...
...a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: 'This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more' ... Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: 'You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine.'"
7.21.2009
7.20.2009
Amalgamation
When you start dating someone, in the beginning it's hard to feel anything. It's a stranger reaching out for your hand. You have to avoid staring at the stranger despite the lust you feel for them; you don't know anything about them except that it's something new and exciting.. On each date, both the stranger and you will be slightly on edge. There are still names, places, stories, events to learn, boundaries to be tested. Hopes and fears spill out over the coming months until you feel as if you are a living each others lives. There is a point where you feel as if you have known the other forever, dreams from past lives together. You know the stranger, you are the stranger, the stranger is no more.
Then, slight fear comes spilling out. It's never overwhelming, but it's like the wallpaper in the attic is slowly peeling away. Every time you see a scrap turning yellow and curling away, you desperately try to flatten it out, get it to stick again. It never holds as well as it did the first time, but you try not to notice it. When you love someone, you are truly fucked. When you love someone, you transition from bones to skin. Organs start forming and skin starts growing. Eventually, you are whole (except for that little piece of peeling wallpaper (fuck why won't it stay). Snowflakes fall from the sky, you skip town for a weekend, do some drugs together, wake up unable to separate your bodies from each other in a hotel somewhere, the snowflakes still keep tumbling outside your window. There will always be secrets, little secrets, that run around when you're not here. Then, we start acting out. So if you see us acting out, you should know that hands and knees are knelt down and scraped, bone replaced skin. I once was a skeleton, I know I'll become a skeleton again. There's the door. When someone loves you very much, you're fucked.
Then, slight fear comes spilling out. It's never overwhelming, but it's like the wallpaper in the attic is slowly peeling away. Every time you see a scrap turning yellow and curling away, you desperately try to flatten it out, get it to stick again. It never holds as well as it did the first time, but you try not to notice it. When you love someone, you are truly fucked. When you love someone, you transition from bones to skin. Organs start forming and skin starts growing. Eventually, you are whole (except for that little piece of peeling wallpaper (fuck why won't it stay). Snowflakes fall from the sky, you skip town for a weekend, do some drugs together, wake up unable to separate your bodies from each other in a hotel somewhere, the snowflakes still keep tumbling outside your window. There will always be secrets, little secrets, that run around when you're not here. Then, we start acting out. So if you see us acting out, you should know that hands and knees are knelt down and scraped, bone replaced skin. I once was a skeleton, I know I'll become a skeleton again. There's the door. When someone loves you very much, you're fucked.
7.12.2009
space_antelope
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7.07.2009
July 6-7 2009
Birthday was strange. Decided I'd finally give Dylan his birthday present, so I drove over there and did (oh and I gave him his jacket, too) and he was like "What are you doing today" and I said "Ionno" and was initially going to leave after a spell but ended up staying THE NIGHT and the REST OF THE NEXT DAY watching the Wimbledon match b/w Ferredor and Roddkins or something and then snuck in to watch Transformer 2 rise of the fallen after bowling for a bit. Hey, guess what, I told them it was my first time bowling but really it was like my second, so it's almost true. I got a strike. Once.
I got home and nobody was here. I wish dad had been here, even though it would inevitably be awkward. I laid in their bed and then got back up no that's not true I wanted to lay in their bed but that would've been stupid.
Gris you would've been so proud, I went to sleep at 11 and woke up at 7:30ish. Then I realized I had nothing to do ever, so I went back to sleep and slept until five.
Bed now.
I got home and nobody was here. I wish dad had been here, even though it would inevitably be awkward. I laid in their bed and then got back up no that's not true I wanted to lay in their bed but that would've been stupid.
Gris you would've been so proud, I went to sleep at 11 and woke up at 7:30ish. Then I realized I had nothing to do ever, so I went back to sleep and slept until five.
Bed now.
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